Sick at Home

I have a head cold. Missus will tell you, with a great deal of truth, that I am a terrible patient. I hate being sick (doesn’t everyone) and I tend to get the worst of it when a cold or the flu goes through the family, as it is now.

It started with the Younger One and moved on to Missus and now I have it. Last night was hell. No sleep, pain in my throat, congestion. Sigh. I hate colds…

So I am catching up on some blog stuff.

It is almost two weeks since the Five Boro Bike tour and I am still enjoying the glow of a fun ride and time with good friends, new and old.

I hope to be well enough to ride on Saturday or Sunday. I didn’t ride last weekend, though I did hike, and I want to get on the bike…..

Yes you CAN

This is a steady theme on this blog. YOU can lose weight. Don’t dare tell me you can’t. You can get out and get exercise, get fit, lose weight. YOU CAN.

I did. I have lost the weight, I am keeping it off. I am getting more and more fit. I decided to do it. I put my mind, heart and soul in to doing it.

You can do it.

I am worn out by people telling me I did a great job, wish they could lose weight like that but they just CAN’T.

The body knows no secret to keeping weight on. Don’t feed it and you will lose weight. Under feed it and you will lose weight slower. YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

When I was a waiter at a Catskill Mountain resort in the late 1970′s, there was a masseuse at the hotel who was as wide as she was tall, let’s call her Sally. I worked the Children’s/Athletic Staff dining room and Sally ate her meals, three times a day, in my dining room. Lunch was always interesting. She would order the salad platter. A scoop of Tuna Salad, a scoop of Egg Salad, lettuce, tomato, some other vegetables. The platter was probably a reasonable 600 calories or so. Sally would then reward herself for eating the salad platter by having two pieces of cake.

Then she would complain about not losing weight.

She could. She wouldn’t.

I think that is the distinction. If you are overweight you can lose weight. The question is will you? Will you make the changes in what you eat, how much you eat and WHY you eat to make the weight loss happen?

Enough pulpit pounding for today.

Pictures from the Five Boro Bike Tour

It was a beautiful day for a ride. Very cold at the start, very windy as we waited on Church Street at 6:00 in the morning. I was wrapped in a plastic trash bag to keep the wind off me. In one of the pictures you can see it rolled up in my jersey pocket before I put it in the trash at the first rest area.

I think I stopped shivering somewhere on 6th Avenue just before we entered Central Park.

By the time we crossed back from The Bronx in to Manhattan I had warmed up as the temperatures rose on a sun-filled day with little wind and not a cloud to be seen. Once out of the Concrete Canyon that is 6th Avenue it was a wonderful ride.

SM, NI and Me. 6:60 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen....

SM, NI and Me. 6:30 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen….

Crossing the Queensboro Bridge

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. All that I have worked for over the last 18 months is captured in this picture

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. Captured in this picture is all that I have worked for over the last 18 months

At the Brooklyn Bridge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

Rolling down the FDR Drive….

And one Last Picture from the Tour(s)

On the left is the 2010 tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 260 pounds and my weight is on the way up.
On the right is the 2013 Tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 201 pounds and holding steady.

May 10, 2013
by mrmarkls 3 Comments

Psychology

The Man in the Mirror

Who is that man in the pictures, The Man in the Mirror?

There is something disconcerting about seeing the lean me. It is as though I am seeing someone else, someone not me, someone I barely know, a mere acquaintance, a friend of a friend’s friend.

You would think that after 52 years I would know me on sight but I don’t. I see me. I know it is me. I just don’t know that it is me.

At the Brooklyn BRidge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

This picture is what has me thinking about this. I am at a rest area on the Five Boro Bike Tour. New York City, my favorite city, is in the background. It is a beautiful day and I distinctly remember the picture being taken, the feelings I had as I stood and looked at the Manhattan skyline, the joy of the ride. I just don’t remember being the person in the picture.

I have a long way to go. Many days, weeks, months, maybe even years, before I am accustomed to being this person, this person in the picture.

I am accustomed to being fat, to being big, to being the old me, the me I was on and off since I was in my early twenties.

I look in the mirror and I am still surprised to see who is looking back. I am still expecting to see the 300 pound me or maybe the 280 pound me. The 200 pound me is still so unfamiliar to me.

There is a loss of identity. I am not sure who I am in this new body of mine.

I think perhaps that is part of the psychology of weight gain after a weight loss. This sense of being lost, not knowing who you are, what you are, if you are not the fat person you are so accustomed to being. I think perhaps this is why I talk about the loss so much, the Journey, why I write this blog…

If I talk about it, the me I was the me I am getting to be, If I stay in touch with the old me by talking about him, then I don’t miss being me so much….

Don’t misunderstand: I do not want to ever be that person again. I am just trying to understand why I am not yet the person I see in the mirror, the man in the picture.

A Good Story to Tell

Today someone told me that I have a good story to tell. This was meant in a very good way. I took it in a very good way.

I guess I do have a good story to tell. What else can I say about being fat, out of shape and slowly killing myself one extra serving at a time?

I m proud of having lost the weight. I am proud of improving my fitness. I am proud of keeping the weight off.

This is why I keep telling the story.

I am told that I inspire people. That still surprises me even though I have been told this many times. I am so surprised that I am seen as an inspiration. I was so ashamed of myself. So embarrassed at being fat, out of shape,

*snicker* Two legs in one pants leg Giggle…..

being seen as out of control, slovenly.

So maybe that is why I am seen as an inspiration. Because I took control, got it together and had the courage to write about it here.

It is a good story. I will keep telling it. If it inspires someone to work towards better health… Well it feels good to think that I may have in some small way helped someone along their Journey

Here is the picture of me with both legs in one pants leg. It makes me chuckle to see it….

Peace

May 9, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

Thursday and All is Well

Odd Things

I knew that losing weight and getting fit would bring on changes in my body. I just wasn’t really prepared for just how extensive those changes would be. As Missus and I did a next-to-last purge of the fat man clothes a few nights ago I came across a pair of dress slacks that I had for years. Wonderful wool slacks, a medium gray, the best pair of slacks I have every owned, now way to large. How large? I was able to put BOTH of my legs in to one of the pants legs… Should have taken a picture of THAT….

Jackets once too tight now wrap around me like a bathrobe. Sweater once snug are now like tents on me.

All three males in this household wear the same waist pants! 34-inch waist on the Older, the Young and the Dad….

Odd things.

Like these….

I started wearing Bib-shorts for cycling a number of years ago because the waist on regular cycling shorts would roll down because of my gut. Bib-shorts would serve the dual purpose of preventing that and holding in the belly so I looked a little thinner.

I got to the point I was wearing XXL bib-shorts.

Now all my bib-shorts are too large on me (even the XL) and I now find that I wear a MEDIUM in a regular cycling short. How’s THEM apples….

Fortunately I do have a couple of pair of bib shorts that still fit OK and I can wear them but…. Well, I am looking forward to buying regular cycling shorts. IN A MEDIUM!

My jersey size is still an XL… Go figure… Well that is at least in part because I like a slightly loose jersey and my long torso begs for a longer shirt….

Odd things…

Trying to Keep the Calories UP

I am having trouble again keeping my calories up. I find that with the new job (and the increased walking and so forth) and my continued slide to vegetarian I am coming in at

Roasted Cauliflower, Sweet Potato, and Broccoli, Coriander Chutney, Matouks Flambeau Hot Sauce and Lentils in a spicy tomato Sauce…

1000 calories or more UNDER plan. This would explain why I have dropped 3 pounds this week on top of the two I lost on the ride this past weekend. I have dropped from 206 on Friday last to 201 this morning.

I have to watch this. Dropping that much that fast at this point is not a good thing. I have to find a way to increase the calories without putting myself at risk of losing control of my eating. This is a concern for me no matter what. I just have to watch it so closely…

Tonight I find myself at a 990 calorie short fall. This is after I allowed myself a chocolate chip cookie (empty, but delicious, calories). So I will be adding in a more substantial lunch at work to see if I can bring the calories up that way. I also need to increase the size of breakfast. Ding that my last three breakfasts have been less than 300 calories… Should be closer to 450 now that I am in maintenance mode…

When I was fat all I really thought about was food. Now that I am lean and for all of the Journey all I ever really think about is food.

Just a different angle on it now…

Giving Back to my Sport…

One of the nice things about an organized bike ride, be it a fund-raiser or just a fun ride, is the rest areas. Free food like PB&J sandwiches, bananas, cereal bars and the like, and water bottle refills, restrooms, and a place to rest up off the bike for a few minutes. They are staffed by volunteers who would probably rather ride but give back to their sport and work the rest areas instead.

I volunteered for a ride sponsored by my bike club last year because I could not ride due to my knee injury.

I was asked to volunteer again this year and I have agreed to do so. The ride is the Ramapo Rally and I will be working the Montville Township NJ rest area. Look for the guy with the Pepper Theme cycling cap.

I look at it as giving back to the sport that has given me so much.

All is Right, Right Now…

Life has normalized a little for us right now. I am working and feeling good about the new job. It is right in my wheelhouse in terms of skills and knowledge and I am enjoying the challenges and I feel on top of my game.

The boys are doing well. The Younger is doing well in school and he is great at watching the Older one for us. The Older one is doing fine, still is, and always will be, a challenge but he is settling a little and his rough times are getting shorter, less rough and a little further apart. We think we have found a program for him for two or three days a week and so he will be able to get out of the house and be with his peeps. That HAS to help. Missus is looking forward to a few hours a few days a week to herself.

It has been a rough road the last few months. I dealt with much self-doubt and frustration. In the old days I would have found refuge in food. This time I found refuge in activity. Cycling mostly, hiking as well. I found the release and relief in pushing myself. This is so far removed from where I was.

So right now, this day, this week, All is Right with my little corner of the world.

A little side note

A note to my friends at home, on Facebook and on this blog, and to my family for their support of the Ride 4 Autism. So far your generosity has raised nearly $1000.00 on my ride page. I am stunned and deeply humbled by the generosity. Thank you

Peace.

May 7, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

Tuesday Reflections and Feelings

How it REALLY Feels

I have written about this before but I have given it more thought and I want to write about it some more.

Loving it!

How good do I feel?

People often say something to the tune of “I bet you feel great” or “You must feel wonderful”, referring to how I feel physically now that my body no longer carries around so much extra ME.

I always answer the same way, in the affirmative. I do feel great, I do feel wonderful. Things that once ached all the time now don’t ache at all or ache rarely or less. The interesting thing though is that it is only in retrospect that I realize how awful I felt.

I didn’t know at the time that being fat and out of shape caused so much of the aches and pains. Much of it I put down to getting older. The inevitable consequence of an aging body. I didn’t understand, or didn’t want to understand, that it was the weight, the abuse of the body from carrying over 100 pounds of excess.

How does it really feel? It feels as though I have taken 10 or more years off my body. I can do now at 52 what I could not do at 42. I can do at this age what 15 years ago was becoming a struggle. I feel as though I have lost not only pounds but age as well.

How does it really feel? It feels as though life has been given back to me. It feels as though I have opened closed doors and found a me I thought was lost forever.

Losing the weight, building the fitness feels like I found a secret to life. It is the kind of thing that if it happened for you overnight after the visitation of three spirits you would open the window and shout it out to all who would hear and you would buy a prize turkey for everyone in sight.

Do I feel great? What it better than great?

With the Five-Boro behind me now I am looking forward to the next few adventures.

I am going on a hike this coming Saturday with good friends MT and PGB. I believe PGB said it is something like 8 miles of trail. Included in this is a “Billy-Goat Climb”, meaning, I suspect, that it is a hand-over-hand steep ascent. I am really excited about this. Not so long ago PGB would not have even proposed such a hike to me. Now it is simply another good hike in good company.

If I get back early enough I will go on a bike ride to the Bike Club Picnic. We will see. I plan to ride Sunday afternoon as well, once we return from visiting my Mother-In-Law for Mothers Day.

June 2nd I have the Tour of Bergen County. 45 miles through the hills of Northeastern New Jersey. That should be fun but I am nervous about the hills.

June 8th comes the next big challenge, the Ride 4 Autism. 62 miles through the countryside of central New Jersey. Beautiful area. This ride is very dear to me as it raises money for Autism awareness and research. It is my daily hope that treatments for Fragile X Syndrome will be found as a direct result of this research.

Between this weekend and the Ride 4 Autism, I will get in as much cycling as I can. I really need to hit the hills. I need the practice and I need to build the stamina and leg strength.

I need to find more rides for later in the year. I want to do the North-Fork Century on Long Island at the end of the summer but it is a very expensive and I am not sure I can justify the expense.

There is another Century ride in Connecticut in the fall that appeals to me and I am giving it serious thought.

Of course there will also be some hiking in there.

This is what I mean when I say I opened a door and found a me that was lost forever.

Eating

Today marks day three of vegetarian eating. No meat of any type: mammal, bird, or fish. This isn’t really intentional. It is just progressing that way.

We have added quinoa to our menu to increase the amount of protein we are getting, also added more beans. We also get protein from dairy. We are sliding to vegetarian, not vegan.

A typical dinner: Kabocha and Butternut Squash, Brown Rice, mixed greens and a Sweet Potato

We are excited that local produce will start to hit the market in a couple of months and we will plant our own garden in another couple of weeks. We are especially looking forward to home-grown veggies…

The boys are not following us on this so far. They continue to eat red meats. Burgers are a big favorite. We are trying to set the good example and we encourage them to follow. We have had limited success so far. The Older One eats anything we serve him so we are having more success with him. The Younger One…

If you had told me two years ago this would be me I would have scoffed.

Life, who knew?

Peace

May 5, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

After the Ride

The Ride

It was COLD in NYC this morning. At least it was at 5:40 as I rode my bike down Park Avenue to the start line of the Five Boro Bike Tour. It was tolerable and there is a certain joy in riding down Park Avenue at such an early hour, having the street mostly to myself, feeling the city around me.

Looking in front of me at the start line, about 6:30 AM

It was COLDER at the start line. The wind picked up and the building trap it and channel it right up Church Street. Add to that a temperature drop of 5 degrees between 6:00 and 7:00 AM as the wind started to come in off the ocean. Lovely.

Behind us at the start line as the crowd slowly builds

By the start of the ride I was shivering violently. I had on tights and a thermal T-shirt under my cycling jersey and I had long-fingered gloves on over my half-finger cycling gloves but I was still freezing.

Finally, at 7:45, right on time, the ride started. It took a few minutes for the movement to make it back to me. I was right up front for the early start time but the charity riders were ahead of us.

Still, by 8:00 we rolled past the start line and the ride was underway. By the time we rode up 6th Avenue and in to Central Park I was no longer shivering and I was starting to feel better. Don’t mistake: I was having a great time as we rolled up 6th Avenue despite being so cold. Warming up simply made it better.

At the Brooklyn BRidge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

We rolled through the Park, up through Harlem and then in to The Bronx, back to Manhattan and across to Queens. The first major rest area was in Astoria Park, under the Tri-Boro Bridge. We then rolled south across the

At the Astoria Park Rest Area, the Tri-Boro Bridge overhead…

Pulaski Bridge and into Brooklyn. Soon, too soon maybe, we had crossed the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in to Staten Island. A little time at the festival and then a three or four mile ride to the Staten Island Ferry. That marked the end of the ride.

I then rode from the ferry terminal back up to Park Avenue. I changed at my friend’s apartment and then got the car and drove home, my two days in NYC were over.

How did it go? It went great. I had a wonderful time. I got to spend time with NI in the city on Saturday at the bike expo and then we had lunch with my Uncle. Later after basically just hanging out, we had dinner with my friend SR and her son, my good friend MR. A good Indian restaurant where I was able to find a good selection of vegetarian dishes. I had Aloo Gobi.

The ride, despite the bitter wind at the start was fun. A good ride, well run, well paced. There were quite a few crashes but I was not involved in any of them and I was able to complete the ride without incident.

I rode very well. I felt strong all day despite not sleeping very deeply the night before. I was able to attack on a couple of long hills and I felt very good about my ability to tackle the hills. Even the Verrazano was not too difficult for me and I maintained a solid 12 miles per hour up the bridge and hit 20 miles per hour on the downside.

My total riding for the day was something around 44 miles. I say around because my GPS stopped recording it at 35 miles, just as I finished crossing in to Staten Island. Oh well.

All together it was a very good day. Only thing I missed was having any coffee. I have had NO coffee today. I am really having withdrawal…

Reflections on the Day

So how do I view the day?

It was a grand success. I rode strongly, I rode smoothly, I didn’t walk a hill or struggle on any hills, not even the two killer bridge approaches, The Queensboro and the Verrazano. I was even able to charge up the approach to the Pulaski Bridge with NI, something out of the question just a few weeks ago.

To really understand where this ride fits in my history I have to compare it to the same ride in 2010. The route is very slightly different but not so much as to make the comparison moot.

At the Start 2010

Riding along in Queens or Brooklyn. I can’t believe I did the ride in that condition

the 2010 Tour, crossing the Queensboro. Look at the size of me!

I weighed about 260 pounds when I did the ride in 2010. I rode with NI and I think he will tell you that I struggled. Eventually NI had to ride on without me as I had slowed to a crawl and we simply lost sight of one another. Though I didn’t walk any hills I struggled on each and every one of them. My average speed was around ten miles per hour. This ride was 15 miles per hour.

The biggest thing I noticed as I did this ride this year compared to 2010 was the acceleration I was able to generate. I didn’t have that then.

I see this not so much as simply having lost weight but as a reflection of the full package. I didn’t just lose weight, I focused on fitness as well. I dedicated myself to a complete rework of the Body. I lost the weight and I improved my fitness, increased my stamina, built up my strength.

As we approached the Pulaski Bridge, NI rode up to me and said “New Bike, New Body, let’s attack that hill”. And I did. I was able to respond.

I looks at the pictures of my THEN and the pictures of me NOW… Understand that while I was about 260 on that ride, I had lost 50 pounds to get there. I then GAINED back every one of those pounds by the summer of 2011. From May of 2010, to the summer of 2011 I gained back 50+ pounds.

I had not changed who I was. I only changed what I ate. I was ON A DIET.

Now I am different. I am committed to a healthy way of eating, committed to fitness.

Reflecting on the ride in 2010 I see a man who wanted to not be fat but was not ready to make the commitment needed to make the life-change needed to make it happen.

PGB, a good friend, has said to me that he believes I will not gain back the weight because I have learned how to keep it off. I learned to change how, when and why.

I am now nine months at or below my goal weight.

PGB might be onto something.

The other thing that I think about is this: When I rode from the festival to the ferry in 2010 I was spent. I was worn out. Shot. I wobbled my way to the ferry. I rode tired. Even though it is mostly flat from the Festival to the ferry, I rode at maybe 12 miles per hour. Simply exhausted.

When I rode from the festival to the ferry today I rode at 20 miles per hour, I rode strong, with energy. I had plenty left. I say this honestly: I could have ridden another 15-20 miles. I felt that strong.

On the ferry after the ride. Feeling fine….

This is significant. This is wonderful.

Peace

May 3, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

OH BOY

The Day Before the Eve of The Ride

So Sunday is the BIG DAY OF THE BIG RIDE. The largest ride in America. 32,000 cyclists, riders, pedal-pushers, bike riders rolling on the car-free streets of New York City.

Wow.

I am in the best shape of the last 20+ years and I am ready for this ride.

2010. Notice the belly on me? 250 pounds but I did finish the ride…..

When I did it in 2010 I was not so much ready for the ride…

I was 50 pounds heavier than I am now.

I had only been back to riding since March of that year.

I barely made it all the way through the ride.

It was the day that I met my friend NI in person for the first time and I am sure he looked at this large guy and thought “no way he completes the ride”….

No such concerns now. I am in shape for the ride and ready to go.

200 pounds. notice the lack of a belly!

Of course many things can happen, many of them bad, when you are riding with 32,000 others. Crashes are a known risk. Bumps, bangs bruises… All can happen. Muscles pull, hamstrings strain… But I am not concerned about them this time. I am really ready to ride and I am excited as all get out to be going.

SO NI will meet me at the Bike Expo tomorrow when we pick up the ride packets and we plan to have dinner with some friends. Then Sunday. At 7:45 AM. We ride.

I am a different person than I was in 2010.

And that is a very good thing.

My Headlong Rush

My conversion is nearly there. I will never be all the way there but I am nearly there.

Vegetarian…

I will always have some fish and poultry in my diet I suspect. I love lox too much to give it up entirely… But the amount of my diet that meats of any type occupy is steadily shrinking. Tonight’s dinner was vegetarian. As was dinner two nights ago and several o f the nights before that. Last night was Sushi…

I had a bit of chicken for lunch today.

Very little meats. No red meats at all.

Why?

I have written about this before and it bears another look.

I am not an PETA type. I have no problem with the slaughter of animals for human consumption. We are at the top of the food chain and I am not bothered by that.

I am doing it because I truly believe it is a healthier diet and that it will prolong my life by reducing my risk of heart disease, stroke, and some cancers. This includes the cancer that has been a scourge of my family for three generations, Colon Cancer.

I like Beef. I like Pork. I am ok with lamb but it isn’t a favorite. I have given up the red meats because I believe that my health is more important than the food. I miss eating a juicy burger. I miss bacon. I just won’t eat them because I weighed 300+ pounds and I have done damage to my body and I am now working to reverse or at least slow the progress of some of that damage. I believe giving up red meats, fatty foods, indulgences in treats and snacks, and replacing them with fruits and vegetables, whole grains and small portions of fish or poultry give me the best chance of living a longer and healthier life.

I call this my headlong rush because it is picking up speed and gaining momentum. And I like the rush.

New Job

As some of you know, I have been unemployed/under employed since January when my “Great New Job” in Pennsylvania evaporated. I have been picking up some work doing service tech work. The problem with this is I spent more than half of the day in a truck driving to the job sites. Too much time on my butt, not enough on my feet.

The new FULL TIME JOB starts on Monday and I will be back to doing what I do best, and like to do best. I am managing manufacturing department. I will be on my feet walking around the largest part of the day. I will be back to the activity level I am accustomed to and comfortable with. And there is every chance that I will get home at a reasonable time in the evening and get to ride!

It is 19 miles way. I am trying to figure out how to cycle there…..

That would be GREAT!!!!

See Ya Sunday Night

I won’t be posting tomorrow. If all goes well I hope to write a nice long post, complete with a few pictures, about the Five Boro Bike Tour. I am very excited about the ride and I hope toi have a really good post to write on Sunday night.

Do me a favor everyone: Get Up. Get Out. Walk, ride, run, DO.

Peace

April 29, 2013
by mrmarkls 4 Comments

The Week Begins, After a Really Good Weekend

The Monday After

Me, On the 50 mile ride this weekend

There was a time, a long, long time ago when I might ride 60-70 miles in a weekend. I certainly rode well over 100 miles in a week many times.

It has been a long time since I have ridden so far in a weekend.

I did it this weekend.

I few weeks ago I had a 60 mile weekend. This weekend I had a 70 mile weekend and I feel wonderful

On Saturday I rode 52 miles (as mentioned) and yesterday I did an easy 18+ to keep the legs limber.

I expected to be a little leg-weary today. I wasn’t. I feel great! The legs feel normal. I was up and down stairs today with no sense of stress or effort.

This is progress!

It was a Super Weekend

After weeks of cold and wet and dismal weather, we had a wonderful weekend. Bright sunshine, morning chill giving way to 70-degree afternoons. The Saturday ride started out chilly but soon warmed nicely and with little wind we were all able to enjoy a good spring ride. That afternoon we grilled dinner and ate on the deck.

On Sunday, Missus and I went out and did some shopping and enjoyed each other’s company. We shopped at a little gourmet grocery store and picked up a baguette, some roasted eggplant, some corn and bean salsa, some salmon….

I went for the 18 mile ride after we came home and when I returned I smoked the salmon and we had roasted vegetables and the salmon with the salsa and the roasted eggplant for dinner. Dessert was fresh pineapple.

Somewhere in all this Missus and I went shopping and bought flowers for the front of the house and I planted marigolds, posies and a variety of daisies along the fence.

The Younger and I spent some time together kidding around and playing with the dogs. The Older one spent time with us on the porch as I planted the flowers…

All in all? I couldn’t ask for a better weekend.

That Ain’t so Much…

I was told recently that losing 100+ pounds was not much of an accomplishment. It was the opinion of he who made the statement that losing 100 pounds seemed easy to him because he had lost 15 pounds “like nothing, so 100 pounds Ain’t Much”…

Sigh

To each their own.

It has been a big deal to me.

Just thought I would mention it.

I Don’t Stand Out!

Someone took a handful of pictures of the ride on Saturday and posted them on Facebook. Nice pictures of a fun ride on a beautiful day. I am in three or four of the pictures.

Here is what stood out to me about the pictures I am in: I don’t stand out.

I don’t stand out. Let that sink in for a second.

When you are 100+ pounds overweight you stand out. You are the focus of every photograph. Even standing in the back, hiding behind three or four skinny people, you stand out.

I have stood out in pictures for so many years…. In pictures of family events. In pictures of a casual get-together. In candid shots. In formal shots. I stood out.

In these pictures I stand out to me because I don’t stand out. I look like I belong. I look “normal”. I look unexceptional. I look like everyone else on the ride. I am wearing my cycling tights and my cold weather jersey and I look just like everyone else on the ride.

Later in the pictures I have taken off the cold weather jersey and I have on my regular short-sleeved jersey and I looks just like everyone else.

I don’t stand out.

I am still letting that sink in.

This Week

The Five-Boro Bike Tour is next Sunday. I will spend this week staying healthy and preparing for the ride. I MIGHT get in an evening ride this week if the schedule and the weather permits. Mostly I will stretch, walk, rest and eat right.

And I will stay away from anyone who sneezes or coughs.

I hope to get to the High School field and do some bleacher-sets because I really need to build leg-strength. I don’t seem to have regained all I lost after the knee injury and I am REALLY struggling with hill climbs on my bike…

SO that is the plan. Stay in one piece for the week…

Wish me luck

Peace.

April 27, 2013
by mrmarkls 4 Comments

A Day of Triumphs

A great ride on a wonderful day

Great Day

The weather has finally turned in our favor here in New Jersey. A morning temperature in the mid-50′s gave way to a wonderful 70 degree noon. I went on a club ride today. 52 miles through the rolling hills of Bergen, Passaic and Morris Counties. Franklin Lakes to Denville and back again.

By the time we had reached the midway point in Denville I needed to shed my cycling jacket and get down to just the jersey. It was fun to realize than I could roll up the jacket and ties the sleeves around my waist.

I can’t say that I rode great. I rode well for the most part but I am still struggling with hills. I need to build my leg strength. Practice. The only way to do it.

The feeling of the sun on my face and the warm air over me as I rode was nearly intoxicating.

A great group of about thirty riders did the ride and it was truly a fun group. Chatter as we rode, jokes, singing. It was fun.

Though I am a little disappointed with my struggled on the hills I take great satisfaction at not having to walk any up any. I rode them all, slow yes, but I rode them.

We stopped at a little café-bakery-coffee shop in Denville by the name of Mara’s. Tables outside. Sunshine, conversation, a blueberry scone…

A GREAT day.

52 miles.

My Weight

My weight had spiked recently. Not sure why. My calorie counts tell me I was on target but the weight still jumped to 207+ lbs. Scary. I redoubled my efforts. Watched the salt intake. Reduced the calories. Increased the veggies, decreased the carbohydrates. I am back around 201 lbs.

steady steady steady

I am sure as I sit here right now, just a few hours after dinner and after our snack of fresh pineapple, that I am probably around 205 lbs but this will drop overnight. The important thing is that I recognized the bad trend and made corrections to reverse the trend immediately. I didn’t wait. I acted.

The cycling today certainly will pay dividends. As will the thirty mile ride I want to try tomorrow. Burn the calories and don’t replace them all and you will lose weight…

Today I am at about a 2500 calories deficit. This is good. Ride 50+ miles and you will burn some serious calories.

Reflections

One year ago today I weighed 250.6 lbs. Today I am 201.2 Lbs. WOW. Even at that I had lost over 50 pounds.

I was riding. I was eating better. The weight was coming down very quickly. I was exactly four months in to my Journey. I had lost 55 lbs… I still had so far to go.

Looking back now I can see just how fast, dramatic even, the weight loss was. 55 pounds in exactly 4 months. YIKES.

The rest of the weight would come, has come off.

I was riding my bike then too. I may have ridden that day. I don’t remember. I know I was depressed that I was unable to get signed up for the 5-boro bike tour. I am doing it this year, one week from tomorrow.

I had ridden a 22 mile ride with my friend KG a few weeks earlier. I was getting there. And to think I had only started the Journey four months earlier.

So here I am today. Sixteen months in to the never-ending Journey. I rode 52 miles today. This is the longest ride I have done since the Ride-4-Autism last June when my friend NI had to help push me up a couple of hills. I finished the ride. It was hard but I did it. KG was on the ride. She rode great and finished ahead of NI and me. Well, we did miss a turn… OK, I MISSED THE TURN…

This is the longest ride I have done since I tore up my knee last June. The knees were fine. I now just have to build up the legs.

Next weekend I will do the 40+ mile tour in NYC. I did the ride in 2010. I am much stronger now. Much lighter now.

16 months now in to my Journey.

I am upset that I struggle so with the hills. I am bothered that I am still working on building up my legs.

Then I realize that it was one year ago that I still had 50 pounds to go to reach 200. It was only 16 months ago that I looked at the fat man in the mirror and said “you have to go now”.

Reflections.

I like who I see in the mirror now.

Peace

April 23, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

Tuesday Night Thoughts

A Short Note

I need to explain. It is not so much the inability to get exercise that is depressing me about this cold weather. It is the lack of the freedom and exhilaration I feel when I am riding. I can’t get this when I ride an exercise bike or wind trainer. I can’t get it when I hike or walk. It is a feeling I only get when I ride.

I do not recall ever feeling the frustration with the weather that I have been feeling the last few weeks.

Not a fun feeling.

Bounce

My weight bounced up over the last week. It also dropped. Then it bounced up again. Then I got myself figured out and got myself back to the plan and now it is going down steadily again.

Staying with the plan is critical for me. If I allow myself to stray I start to gain weight. I find that I really cannot allow myself the indulgences. When I do I gain weight and that is a frightening thing for me. Let’s be clear. I gained 4 pounds and saw 209 on the scale for the first time in a very long while. I still have not gone over my goal weight of 210 since I passed it last August but 209 is entirely too close for my comfort.

I am now back under 205.

This is as it should be. Plan. Execute Plan. Achieve (or maintain) Goal.

FOOD

This was dinner tonight:

Roasted Kabocha and Butternut Squash

Roasted Sweet Potato

Multi-Grain Rice

Sauté of Orange Sweet Pepper, Bok Choy and Spinach

My word it was good.

How I Feel

Physically I feel great. I am able to do things I could not have done a year and a half ago. I am lean. I am fit. I can walk ten miles, cycle fifty mile, run about 12 feet… Ok, so running is still a challenge for me.

My surgically repaired knee feel OK. Still some ligament pain but that is to be expected. The joint does not hurt and I have no issues with it when I cycle or hike…

My blood pressure is great and I am still working on getting off the meds entirely at some point. My heart rate is fantastic.

There isn’t much I can do about the rest of me. Fifty-two is 52. I am in great shape for a fellow who worked really hard at abusing his health for so many years.

Mentally…. I have my ups and downs. I am frustrated with the weather, my employment situation and assorted other things. I am wrestling with emotions as I watch my weight bounce, feel I am not getting in the workouts that I should and I constantly worry about falling down and gaining the weight…

So I am normal.

Being Positive

I have started reading a blog by a young woman who is just starting her Journey. She writes well and she writes from the heart. I enjoy reading it and I see in her so much of what I go through.

She thanked me for a few of my comments on her blog, thanking me specifically for being so positive.

This got me thinking.

Yes. I think I am positive. I rarely doubted that I would make my goal weight. I had confidence that I could set the goal, develop the plan and I could make it happen.

This is not to say that I did not struggle. If you have ready much of this blog I think you will have read posts about my struggles, both physical and emotional. This has not always been an easy thing. In fact it has rarely been easy.

In the face of the struggles though I have kept myself focused on the plan and the goal. Then Goal never changed: lose weight and become fit. The only thing that change was the target weight. I dropped it from 230 to 210. The plan changed quite a bit as I learned about my body, learned to eat better, learned to exercise. The plan changed but the goals remained. And that is where I am now.

Staying positive in the face of struggled and frustrations and fears.

Staying positive in the face of daunting odds.

Staying positive in the face of negativity.

Being positive is the critical thing. Getting support from friends and family. Tuning out the naysayers and trash talkers.

Being Positive that you are doing this for YOU for the right reasons and that you will succeed.

We all need a pep-talk no and then.

I just gave me one.

Peace.

April 16, 2013
by mrmarkls 1 Comment

Weight Variations

It Don’t Mean a Thing if you aint got that Swing

I am amused when someone tells me they are “exactly” XXX pounds. “I always weigh exactly XXX pounds, have since High School….”

I know it seems absurd that anyone would say that but I have had several people tell me this with minor variations in wording.

When someone asks my weight I say “between 200 and 205″. It is then that some will say the “exactly” comment.

I don’t weigh the same from one hour to the next.

The last week or so my weight has been swinging like mad. I went from 203 to 208 to 202 in a matter of four days. I am talking 6:30 AM weigh-in after morning rituals. 203-208-202….

Since I started this Journey I have not seen anything even close to this sort of mad swing.

Not worried about it or anything, just amazed really. I don’t feel the swing. My clothes didn’t suddenly get tight. I didn’t suddenly feel sluggish and fat. I just saw it on the scale. I checked on another scale and it was within half a pound. Weird.

I suppose it can be written off to water weight or “stuff” processing through the system (so to speak). Still. In the year plus of this Journey I have not seen this sort of thing over a 4 or 5 day span.

Odd.

FOOD PICTURE:

The warm weather has allowed us to grill!!!

Grilled Tuna, Grilled Mushrooms, Saute’ of kale and collard greens, Grilled onions with sun-dried tomato, rosematta rice and coriander chutney,

Pushing

I have been riding my bike a great deal. Been putting on the miles. Since the first of April I have ridden 140 or so miles. I have also been walking and hiking and keeping busy in other ways.

I have been fighting the temptations of good food and excuses to eat.

I keep pushing. I am not happy with my weight at 200-205. I want to be under 200 pounds. I want my weight to be 195-200. I keep pushing.

I am eating better than ever. I am close to being a vegetarian now. I no longer eat poultry and I gave up red meats over a year ago. Only my addiction to fish keeps me from becoming a full-fledged vegetarian.

I keep pushing.

I rode 50+ miles two weekends ago so I rode 60+ this past. If the weather will cooperate I will ride 70+ this coming weekend.

I keep pushing.

I plan to ride 100 miles each weekend in June if the weather will cooperate. I hope to get to 200 miles per week by September.

I keep pushing

I plan to weigh 195-200 pounds by my Goal Weight Anniversary in August.

I keep pushing.

Why?

Because I have been fat.

I won’t go back.

Peace