Sick at Home

I have a head cold. Missus will tell you, with a great deal of truth, that I am a terrible patient. I hate being sick (doesn’t everyone) and I tend to get the worst of it when a cold or the flu goes through the family, as it is now.

It started with the Younger One and moved on to Missus and now I have it. Last night was hell. No sleep, pain in my throat, congestion. Sigh. I hate colds…

So I am catching up on some blog stuff.

It is almost two weeks since the Five Boro Bike tour and I am still enjoying the glow of a fun ride and time with good friends, new and old.

I hope to be well enough to ride on Saturday or Sunday. I didn’t ride last weekend, though I did hike, and I want to get on the bike…..

Yes you CAN

This is a steady theme on this blog. YOU can lose weight. Don’t dare tell me you can’t. You can get out and get exercise, get fit, lose weight. YOU CAN.

I did. I have lost the weight, I am keeping it off. I am getting more and more fit. I decided to do it. I put my mind, heart and soul in to doing it.

You can do it.

I am worn out by people telling me I did a great job, wish they could lose weight like that but they just CAN’T.

The body knows no secret to keeping weight on. Don’t feed it and you will lose weight. Under feed it and you will lose weight slower. YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

When I was a waiter at a Catskill Mountain resort in the late 1970′s, there was a masseuse at the hotel who was as wide as she was tall, let’s call her Sally. I worked the Children’s/Athletic Staff dining room and Sally ate her meals, three times a day, in my dining room. Lunch was always interesting. She would order the salad platter. A scoop of Tuna Salad, a scoop of Egg Salad, lettuce, tomato, some other vegetables. The platter was probably a reasonable 600 calories or so. Sally would then reward herself for eating the salad platter by having two pieces of cake.

Then she would complain about not losing weight.

She could. She wouldn’t.

I think that is the distinction. If you are overweight you can lose weight. The question is will you? Will you make the changes in what you eat, how much you eat and WHY you eat to make the weight loss happen?

Enough pulpit pounding for today.

Pictures from the Five Boro Bike Tour

It was a beautiful day for a ride. Very cold at the start, very windy as we waited on Church Street at 6:00 in the morning. I was wrapped in a plastic trash bag to keep the wind off me. In one of the pictures you can see it rolled up in my jersey pocket before I put it in the trash at the first rest area.

I think I stopped shivering somewhere on 6th Avenue just before we entered Central Park.

By the time we crossed back from The Bronx in to Manhattan I had warmed up as the temperatures rose on a sun-filled day with little wind and not a cloud to be seen. Once out of the Concrete Canyon that is 6th Avenue it was a wonderful ride.

SM, NI and Me. 6:60 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen....

SM, NI and Me. 6:30 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen….

Crossing the Queensboro Bridge

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. All that I have worked for over the last 18 months is captured in this picture

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. Captured in this picture is all that I have worked for over the last 18 months

At the Brooklyn Bridge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

Rolling down the FDR Drive….

And one Last Picture from the Tour(s)

On the left is the 2010 tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 260 pounds and my weight is on the way up.
On the right is the 2013 Tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 201 pounds and holding steady.

May 7, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

Tuesday Reflections and Feelings

How it REALLY Feels

I have written about this before but I have given it more thought and I want to write about it some more.

Loving it!

How good do I feel?

People often say something to the tune of “I bet you feel great” or “You must feel wonderful”, referring to how I feel physically now that my body no longer carries around so much extra ME.

I always answer the same way, in the affirmative. I do feel great, I do feel wonderful. Things that once ached all the time now don’t ache at all or ache rarely or less. The interesting thing though is that it is only in retrospect that I realize how awful I felt.

I didn’t know at the time that being fat and out of shape caused so much of the aches and pains. Much of it I put down to getting older. The inevitable consequence of an aging body. I didn’t understand, or didn’t want to understand, that it was the weight, the abuse of the body from carrying over 100 pounds of excess.

How does it really feel? It feels as though I have taken 10 or more years off my body. I can do now at 52 what I could not do at 42. I can do at this age what 15 years ago was becoming a struggle. I feel as though I have lost not only pounds but age as well.

How does it really feel? It feels as though life has been given back to me. It feels as though I have opened closed doors and found a me I thought was lost forever.

Losing the weight, building the fitness feels like I found a secret to life. It is the kind of thing that if it happened for you overnight after the visitation of three spirits you would open the window and shout it out to all who would hear and you would buy a prize turkey for everyone in sight.

Do I feel great? What it better than great?

With the Five-Boro behind me now I am looking forward to the next few adventures.

I am going on a hike this coming Saturday with good friends MT and PGB. I believe PGB said it is something like 8 miles of trail. Included in this is a “Billy-Goat Climb”, meaning, I suspect, that it is a hand-over-hand steep ascent. I am really excited about this. Not so long ago PGB would not have even proposed such a hike to me. Now it is simply another good hike in good company.

If I get back early enough I will go on a bike ride to the Bike Club Picnic. We will see. I plan to ride Sunday afternoon as well, once we return from visiting my Mother-In-Law for Mothers Day.

June 2nd I have the Tour of Bergen County. 45 miles through the hills of Northeastern New Jersey. That should be fun but I am nervous about the hills.

June 8th comes the next big challenge, the Ride 4 Autism. 62 miles through the countryside of central New Jersey. Beautiful area. This ride is very dear to me as it raises money for Autism awareness and research. It is my daily hope that treatments for Fragile X Syndrome will be found as a direct result of this research.

Between this weekend and the Ride 4 Autism, I will get in as much cycling as I can. I really need to hit the hills. I need the practice and I need to build the stamina and leg strength.

I need to find more rides for later in the year. I want to do the North-Fork Century on Long Island at the end of the summer but it is a very expensive and I am not sure I can justify the expense.

There is another Century ride in Connecticut in the fall that appeals to me and I am giving it serious thought.

Of course there will also be some hiking in there.

This is what I mean when I say I opened a door and found a me that was lost forever.

Eating

Today marks day three of vegetarian eating. No meat of any type: mammal, bird, or fish. This isn’t really intentional. It is just progressing that way.

We have added quinoa to our menu to increase the amount of protein we are getting, also added more beans. We also get protein from dairy. We are sliding to vegetarian, not vegan.

A typical dinner: Kabocha and Butternut Squash, Brown Rice, mixed greens and a Sweet Potato

We are excited that local produce will start to hit the market in a couple of months and we will plant our own garden in another couple of weeks. We are especially looking forward to home-grown veggies…

The boys are not following us on this so far. They continue to eat red meats. Burgers are a big favorite. We are trying to set the good example and we encourage them to follow. We have had limited success so far. The Older One eats anything we serve him so we are having more success with him. The Younger One…

If you had told me two years ago this would be me I would have scoffed.

Life, who knew?

Peace

May 5, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

After the Ride

The Ride

It was COLD in NYC this morning. At least it was at 5:40 as I rode my bike down Park Avenue to the start line of the Five Boro Bike Tour. It was tolerable and there is a certain joy in riding down Park Avenue at such an early hour, having the street mostly to myself, feeling the city around me.

Looking in front of me at the start line, about 6:30 AM

It was COLDER at the start line. The wind picked up and the building trap it and channel it right up Church Street. Add to that a temperature drop of 5 degrees between 6:00 and 7:00 AM as the wind started to come in off the ocean. Lovely.

Behind us at the start line as the crowd slowly builds

By the start of the ride I was shivering violently. I had on tights and a thermal T-shirt under my cycling jersey and I had long-fingered gloves on over my half-finger cycling gloves but I was still freezing.

Finally, at 7:45, right on time, the ride started. It took a few minutes for the movement to make it back to me. I was right up front for the early start time but the charity riders were ahead of us.

Still, by 8:00 we rolled past the start line and the ride was underway. By the time we rode up 6th Avenue and in to Central Park I was no longer shivering and I was starting to feel better. Don’t mistake: I was having a great time as we rolled up 6th Avenue despite being so cold. Warming up simply made it better.

At the Brooklyn BRidge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

We rolled through the Park, up through Harlem and then in to The Bronx, back to Manhattan and across to Queens. The first major rest area was in Astoria Park, under the Tri-Boro Bridge. We then rolled south across the

At the Astoria Park Rest Area, the Tri-Boro Bridge overhead…

Pulaski Bridge and into Brooklyn. Soon, too soon maybe, we had crossed the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge in to Staten Island. A little time at the festival and then a three or four mile ride to the Staten Island Ferry. That marked the end of the ride.

I then rode from the ferry terminal back up to Park Avenue. I changed at my friend’s apartment and then got the car and drove home, my two days in NYC were over.

How did it go? It went great. I had a wonderful time. I got to spend time with NI in the city on Saturday at the bike expo and then we had lunch with my Uncle. Later after basically just hanging out, we had dinner with my friend SR and her son, my good friend MR. A good Indian restaurant where I was able to find a good selection of vegetarian dishes. I had Aloo Gobi.

The ride, despite the bitter wind at the start was fun. A good ride, well run, well paced. There were quite a few crashes but I was not involved in any of them and I was able to complete the ride without incident.

I rode very well. I felt strong all day despite not sleeping very deeply the night before. I was able to attack on a couple of long hills and I felt very good about my ability to tackle the hills. Even the Verrazano was not too difficult for me and I maintained a solid 12 miles per hour up the bridge and hit 20 miles per hour on the downside.

My total riding for the day was something around 44 miles. I say around because my GPS stopped recording it at 35 miles, just as I finished crossing in to Staten Island. Oh well.

All together it was a very good day. Only thing I missed was having any coffee. I have had NO coffee today. I am really having withdrawal…

Reflections on the Day

So how do I view the day?

It was a grand success. I rode strongly, I rode smoothly, I didn’t walk a hill or struggle on any hills, not even the two killer bridge approaches, The Queensboro and the Verrazano. I was even able to charge up the approach to the Pulaski Bridge with NI, something out of the question just a few weeks ago.

To really understand where this ride fits in my history I have to compare it to the same ride in 2010. The route is very slightly different but not so much as to make the comparison moot.

At the Start 2010

Riding along in Queens or Brooklyn. I can’t believe I did the ride in that condition

the 2010 Tour, crossing the Queensboro. Look at the size of me!

I weighed about 260 pounds when I did the ride in 2010. I rode with NI and I think he will tell you that I struggled. Eventually NI had to ride on without me as I had slowed to a crawl and we simply lost sight of one another. Though I didn’t walk any hills I struggled on each and every one of them. My average speed was around ten miles per hour. This ride was 15 miles per hour.

The biggest thing I noticed as I did this ride this year compared to 2010 was the acceleration I was able to generate. I didn’t have that then.

I see this not so much as simply having lost weight but as a reflection of the full package. I didn’t just lose weight, I focused on fitness as well. I dedicated myself to a complete rework of the Body. I lost the weight and I improved my fitness, increased my stamina, built up my strength.

As we approached the Pulaski Bridge, NI rode up to me and said “New Bike, New Body, let’s attack that hill”. And I did. I was able to respond.

I looks at the pictures of my THEN and the pictures of me NOW… Understand that while I was about 260 on that ride, I had lost 50 pounds to get there. I then GAINED back every one of those pounds by the summer of 2011. From May of 2010, to the summer of 2011 I gained back 50+ pounds.

I had not changed who I was. I only changed what I ate. I was ON A DIET.

Now I am different. I am committed to a healthy way of eating, committed to fitness.

Reflecting on the ride in 2010 I see a man who wanted to not be fat but was not ready to make the commitment needed to make the life-change needed to make it happen.

PGB, a good friend, has said to me that he believes I will not gain back the weight because I have learned how to keep it off. I learned to change how, when and why.

I am now nine months at or below my goal weight.

PGB might be onto something.

The other thing that I think about is this: When I rode from the festival to the ferry in 2010 I was spent. I was worn out. Shot. I wobbled my way to the ferry. I rode tired. Even though it is mostly flat from the Festival to the ferry, I rode at maybe 12 miles per hour. Simply exhausted.

When I rode from the festival to the ferry today I rode at 20 miles per hour, I rode strong, with energy. I had plenty left. I say this honestly: I could have ridden another 15-20 miles. I felt that strong.

On the ferry after the ride. Feeling fine….

This is significant. This is wonderful.

Peace

April 23, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

Tuesday Night Thoughts

A Short Note

I need to explain. It is not so much the inability to get exercise that is depressing me about this cold weather. It is the lack of the freedom and exhilaration I feel when I am riding. I can’t get this when I ride an exercise bike or wind trainer. I can’t get it when I hike or walk. It is a feeling I only get when I ride.

I do not recall ever feeling the frustration with the weather that I have been feeling the last few weeks.

Not a fun feeling.

Bounce

My weight bounced up over the last week. It also dropped. Then it bounced up again. Then I got myself figured out and got myself back to the plan and now it is going down steadily again.

Staying with the plan is critical for me. If I allow myself to stray I start to gain weight. I find that I really cannot allow myself the indulgences. When I do I gain weight and that is a frightening thing for me. Let’s be clear. I gained 4 pounds and saw 209 on the scale for the first time in a very long while. I still have not gone over my goal weight of 210 since I passed it last August but 209 is entirely too close for my comfort.

I am now back under 205.

This is as it should be. Plan. Execute Plan. Achieve (or maintain) Goal.

FOOD

This was dinner tonight:

Roasted Kabocha and Butternut Squash

Roasted Sweet Potato

Multi-Grain Rice

Sauté of Orange Sweet Pepper, Bok Choy and Spinach

My word it was good.

How I Feel

Physically I feel great. I am able to do things I could not have done a year and a half ago. I am lean. I am fit. I can walk ten miles, cycle fifty mile, run about 12 feet… Ok, so running is still a challenge for me.

My surgically repaired knee feel OK. Still some ligament pain but that is to be expected. The joint does not hurt and I have no issues with it when I cycle or hike…

My blood pressure is great and I am still working on getting off the meds entirely at some point. My heart rate is fantastic.

There isn’t much I can do about the rest of me. Fifty-two is 52. I am in great shape for a fellow who worked really hard at abusing his health for so many years.

Mentally…. I have my ups and downs. I am frustrated with the weather, my employment situation and assorted other things. I am wrestling with emotions as I watch my weight bounce, feel I am not getting in the workouts that I should and I constantly worry about falling down and gaining the weight…

So I am normal.

Being Positive

I have started reading a blog by a young woman who is just starting her Journey. She writes well and she writes from the heart. I enjoy reading it and I see in her so much of what I go through.

She thanked me for a few of my comments on her blog, thanking me specifically for being so positive.

This got me thinking.

Yes. I think I am positive. I rarely doubted that I would make my goal weight. I had confidence that I could set the goal, develop the plan and I could make it happen.

This is not to say that I did not struggle. If you have ready much of this blog I think you will have read posts about my struggles, both physical and emotional. This has not always been an easy thing. In fact it has rarely been easy.

In the face of the struggles though I have kept myself focused on the plan and the goal. Then Goal never changed: lose weight and become fit. The only thing that change was the target weight. I dropped it from 230 to 210. The plan changed quite a bit as I learned about my body, learned to eat better, learned to exercise. The plan changed but the goals remained. And that is where I am now.

Staying positive in the face of struggled and frustrations and fears.

Staying positive in the face of daunting odds.

Staying positive in the face of negativity.

Being positive is the critical thing. Getting support from friends and family. Tuning out the naysayers and trash talkers.

Being Positive that you are doing this for YOU for the right reasons and that you will succeed.

We all need a pep-talk no and then.

I just gave me one.

Peace.

April 13, 2013
by mrmarkls 11 Comments

Stretching The Limits of the Body and the Mind

Plans for today

Some Mile on this bike today……

I have planned out a ride for today. I will get on the bike sometime in the very early afternoon and set off south-southwest from my home and then bear southeast. After a while I will bear to the northwest and make a large 35 mile circle. I will go up hills that challenge my leg strength and physical conditioning but also challenge me mentally.

For every “cyclist”, and I assume for runners as well, there is the mental component that can be even more of a challenge and more difficult to overcome than the physical demands.

For me there are now two hills that have had my number on recent rides. One is on Two Bridges Road between Lincoln Park and Montville NJ. The other is on Kinnelon Road in Kinnelon NJ. These two hills are not really all that challenging to a good and fit rider and I SHOULD be able to ride them, albeit with a little difficulty this early in the season. I have now walked Two Bridges Road twice in the last two weeks and Kinnelon Road kicked me in the rump a few weeks ago.

I plan to attack Kinnelon Road today and Two Bridges tomorrow. I will continue to attack until my mind learns what the body already knows: I CAN DO THIS.

I can find the excuses if I want to. It is still a little chilly and I do ride better in the warmer weather. I am getting used to the gearing on the new bike. It is early in the season…. These are the excuses of a mind filled with the fear of pushing past the limits it accepts. The body is strong enough. I am confident of that. It is the mind that needs to get past the limits.

The mind needs to learn so the body can follow.

Plans for this weekend

I rode fifty miles last weekend. 28+ on Saturday and another 22+ on Sunday.

Today the goal is 35 miles and I plan on another 22-30 miles on Sunday. I really want to get to 60 miles for the weekend.

Each weekend I want to push myself a few more miles, a bit further. I want to push not just the body but also the mind. My mind has spent too many years convinced it is the governor of a fat and out of shape body. The body knows it is no longer that. The mind is having a little trouble understanding the new dynamics. I notice this when I look in a mirror and I am still a bit surprised at the lean me staring back. I noticed it yesterday when I bought a new jacket. I first went looking for the XXL because that is what I was for so many years. I bought a large. That is what I am now. The mind is still catching up.

The way for me to get the mind to understand this is to continue to push myself past what the mind thinks it can do. I use mantras (if you will) as I hit long hills. YES YOU CAN YES YOU WILL YES YOU CAN YES YOU WILL… DO NOT LET THE HILL BEAT YOU…. Sometimes this works….

My mind is a battleground. The conscious part of me demanding that the body push through. The deepest parts of my brain saying YOU CAN’T DO THIS, YOU ARE A FAT MAN. It is a fight that I am determined to win. The same battle rages within me over food. The conscious part of my brain telling me I have eaten enough and eaten the right foods. The deepest parts saying FEED ME, YOU ARE STARVING ME TO DEATH.

Would that I could…

So this weekend, though not as warm as I would prefer, will be another weekend of pushing the body past the minds limits and trying to do the hills and the distances…

60 miles to go.

I know 60 miles is not all that far spread over two days. To some it is not even far in one morning’s ride. To me it is another step towards to goal. Another part of the plan.

Peace

March 28, 2013
by mrmarkls 4 Comments

When I forget, all I need to do is remember

Staying in Control

There are times when the temptations are very difficult to resist. Today I was out on the road and I was very hungry. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon. Well past the normal lunch time and I had not eaten since breakfast at 6:45. I had my normal breakfast of a cup of cereal, cup of blueberries and half a cup of lactose free 2% milk. A little under 290 calories so I call it 300. A good way to start the day. I will sometimes eat lunch. Sometimes I don’t bother. Today I was HUNGRY. Eat my left thumb kind of hungry….

There was the pizza parlor. The sign said “VOTED BEST PIZZA IN TOWN THREE STRAIGHT YEARS: 2010, 2011, 2012!” Ohh so tempting…. I was half way towards convincing myself that I would go and have JUST ONE SLICE….

SO SO SO wanted to….

I was running all the excuses in my head, all the justifications, all the rationalizations..

You know that I am sure: I have worked hard today, I need the calories… I will go for a long long long walk on Saturday to burn it off… I DESERVE IT….

So easy to fall in to the trap…..

I didn’t. I stopped myself. I started to forget the disciplines I have put in place, the strictly controlled course I follow… I was so ready to tip in to the abyss.

But I stopped myself.

I stopped, I thought. I pictured the me of 16 months ago. I had started to forget but I didn’t. I remembered the me I was then. The 310-pound me. The 48-inch waist me. The Obese me. I stopped. I put the min d back to the place it needed to be.

I had a cup of pineapple and two McIntosh apples… It held me until dinner.

When I forget why I just stop and think and I remember why. I remember who. I remember what.

I remember the pledge I made to myself, to my children, to Missus. I pledged that I will never go back to that place, back to the 310 pound me. I would never do it, I would never forget.

When I forget, all I have to do is remember. Today was a close call. I will remember it.

WARM(er) Weather IS COMING!!

Going to get some miles on this soon!!

The forecast is for mid-50′s this weekend. I am so happy I could plotz (Google it). Saturday MAY be a long hike or a moderate distance bike ride with the club (40 miles), not sure which yet. Sunday will be a ride with the local bike shop. Short ride, 22 miles, but it will be a fun ride. I may also hike in the afternoon Sunday unless Missus wants some housework out of me…

I have been going slightly (ok, not so slightly) stir crazy with the cold weather. I love the hiking and I am glad that I can get out there and do it but I really want to ride. I have some long rides planned this year and I need to lay down the base miles and get ready for them.

WARM(er) Weather is Coming!!!

Just had to share.

Plans for the garden

One of the nice things about a house in the suburbs with a reasonably large yard is the ability to plant a garden and grown some of our own food. For years we planted tomato and pepper plants but the last three we have not as disruptions in our life made it questionable if we would be in the house at harvest time.

Now that our situation seems to have settled somewhat and our diet progressing ever closer to vegetarian… WE are planning a garden again.

This one will be larger and more ambitious than any we have grown before.

Yummmmm LOVE tomato….

Tomatoes of three or four varieties, hot and sweet peppers, red and golden beets, eggplant, cucumbers, squash, both summer and winter varieties, and herbs. We may decide on other plants as well but that is the plan right now.

We are looking at a plot 20 by 30 feet or so. We are now in pursuit of a roto-tiller we can rent or borrow…

I expect I will write more about this as we move along…

Peace

March 24, 2013
by mrmarkls 7 Comments

It’s All Good

This is about me

This is about me, this blog, the tales of this Journey. I have never pretended to know much about nutrition or fitness or anything about this except as it relates to ME. I tell the story of my Journey, my trials, my tribulations. I talk about my failures and failings, my successes and my growth.

52 years old (minus one day). I think this is the best picture ever taken of me. Wish I had hair…..

This is not about what is right or wrong because it is all good.

If you are doing something completely different from what I am doing and you are having success then it is good. If lifting weights for hours in the gym is your way and it works for you then it is good. If you made the difficult decision to have gastric bypass and it was your last best option and it is working for you then it is good.

I decided that the way for me was to significantly reduce my calories, from over 4000 a day to around 1500, to change the foods I ate, eliminating the trigger foods as well as red meats, peanut butter and jelly and pizza and changing to a nearly vegetarian diet and lastly, to significantly increase my physical activity with hiking and cycling. This is what has worked for me and it is good. For Me.

In the year plus that I have been on this Journey and writing this blog I have been told that I am doing everything wrong, that I will regain the weight, that my method is “stupid”… I have been told that I have to follow a special diet, get rid of carbs, eat only meats, eat only veggies, eat like the caveman, eat like the astronauts….

If that is what works for others, it is fine with me. My opinion really doesn’t matter when it comes to YOU. My opinion only matters when it comes to ME.

The only thing that matters is SUPPORT. Encouragement and support are the backbone of any successful plan.

Think about this: If you have a friend or family member who is significantly overweight and that person decides to get fit they are embarking on what SHOULD BE a life changing course. And it is hard. And it is frightening. And they need support. Not criticism.

When I say significantly overweight I am not talking about 10-15 pounds or even 20-30 pounds. I am talking 70 pounds, 80 pounds, 100 pounds or more. I am talking people who are carrying around an extra person, not a few extra pounds.

I am telling you that the weight loss and fitness Journey I started on December 27, 2011 has been at once the most rewarding and frightening thing I have ever done. Imagine this: 50+ years old and you change everything you possibly can about the way you eat, exercise, live. You go from eating indiscriminately to recording everything you eat. You change from sitting on the couch to walking 5 miles in the freezing rain because you have to get in your miles.

You give up some of your favorite foods, you push yourself to learn new ways to cook, new ways to shop, new ways to live.

And all the while you are diving deep in to your brain trying to understand why you have been slowly killing yourself with food. Why you have been “committing suicide by a thousand bites”.

Imagine that this is you. It isn’t easy is it?

The Journey is hard. It doesn’t matter how the Journey is made. It is hard. It is hard for everyone on it. I have lost 105 pounds since December 27, 2011, 120 pounds from my peak weight. It has been hard. It has been rewarding. It has been the best thing I have ever done for myself and it has been the scariest thing I have ever done to myself. I think that this holds true for anyone on the Journey.

So my Journey is my own. I can’t tell you and I won’t tell you how to do this. If you are going about it in a completely different way, that is fine. I am happy that you are on the Journey. It’s all good.

Whether or not you are on your own weight loss and fitness Journey, support your friends and family and even the strangers you meet who are on the Journey. We need the support. This is hard. A pat on the back helps to ease the Journey.

Mileposts on the Journey

When I started this blog I would report on mileposts I passed along the way: 20 pounds down, 30… and so forth.

As they started flying by and it became “expected” I reported on them less often to the point that I have not really written about them at all in months.

I have passed a few recently and I wanted to write about them a little.

I passed my goal weight on August 8, 2012. I hit 209 pounds that day blasting right past the 210 pound goal. That was 228 days ago. For those 228 days my average weight is 202.5 pounds. Today I weighed 203 pounds when I stepped on the scale. Yesterday I was 202.6. I go up and down as much as a pound from one day top the next. So I am essentially right at my average weight since I hit my goal. And I am 7-8 pounds under my goal. 228 days at or below my goal weight.

The cold weather is interfering with my cycling plans but I am still getting out for hikes. The milepost here is the 7 straight weeks of achieving my fitness minutes. ….

More Hiking Today

I went for a short hike yesterday. I went close to home and climbed the trails around Turkey Mountain in Northern New Jersey. I think many people outside of the area might be surprised that New Jersey has wilderness areas and hiking trails but those of us who live here know. There are beautiful views, steep climbs, deep woods where the sound of traffic does not disrupt….

The hike was just under 4 and a half miles and was with good company. The air was crisply cold and the sky was mostly clear. There was snow cover on much of the trail but it was not a difficult hike and we made it safely.

A view across the valley. You can see One World Trade Center in the distance.

I hike most weekends now. I know it is frustrating Missus that I spend so much time away from the family on weekends but Missus also understands how important the fitness aspect of my Journey is to me.

I am hiking again today. I am driving to a park and I hope to get in 6-8 miles. This will give me 10-12 miles for the weekend and that will be good.

I am wishing for warmer weather but instead we are getting more snow tomorrow. This is getting old.

So I will keep hiking. I can hike in the cold. I find it very difficult to ride in the cold.

More hiking today.

Peace.

January 28, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

Things on a Monday Night

Food Shopping

Food shopping has changed so much for us. Where once meats were the bulk of the groceries now they make up the barest percentage of our purchases. Once we would not buy vegetables and fruit at the warehouse club because we wouldn’t use it up before it started to go bad. Now we by a high percentage of our fruits and vegetables at the warehouse club and never throw any away.

What impresses me is the fact that this has all become natural for us. We do not have to resist the temptations when passing the beef and pork. We have to remind ourselves to buy some ground beef or some sausage for the boys. They don’t quite share our diet yet.

Walking around the Stop & Shop tonight, walking past the tubs of chocolate chip cookies that were once part of our weekly buy and not picking them up, not even thinking about it, not having to talk myself out of it tells me that a very real change in our diet has happened.

We spend more time selecting the vegetables and choosing among the varieties of rice than we do on any other part of the shopping. It is a great thing.

Tonight we bought some fish for dinner tomorrow, we bought more kale, more string beans, frozen fruits, some rice. We bought no-fat Greek yogurt, some all-natural whole grain cereals. This is how we shop.

Yesterday we went to the farmers market and bought peppers, greens, fruits…..

It has changed so in just a year. Truly reflecting the changes we have made.

A SLIGHT area of Concern

The last several days my weight climbed three pounds and I was really concerned and confused by this. I checked and rechecked my calories consumption and my calorie burn and I should have held steady or perhaps lost a slight amount but instead it went up. I knew something was going on because my ring became tight on my finger and it has been close to falling off again after being reduced by two sizes just a few months ago.

To gain the weight that fast had to be water retention I figured so I started to look at what might have changed in the last week that would make me gain weight like this. I found it: penicillin. My Dentist prescribed penicillin for me and I found that a side effect of penicillin is water retention. I feel better now.

But it got my attention.

GetFit Challenge

The GetFit Challenge started today and I dutifully logged in my fitness minutes. I got in 45 minutes of extra walking today at a moderate pace. I am expected to do 150 minutes for the week so I am well on my way. With the good weather expected the next two days I am expecting myself to hit the 150 minutes sometime on Wednesday, maybe Thursday night as I am going to dinner with friends on Wednesday.

Very excited about this challenge. I love having something pushing me like this. Working as part of a team (where I only know one member) is a great motivator. Never want to be the person that let the team down. I Kind of wish that the Challenge started yesterday as I got in a 7.5 mile hike at a brisk pace and it would have really gone a long way towards hitting this week’s goal. Well there is always next weekend’s hike! Perhaps PGB will be available….

Tonight’s Dinner

Well, the streak of vegan dinners came to an end tonight as we had some fish with dinner. Just felt like having some Swai.

Otherwise the dinner was veggie heaven. A slice of Kabocha Squash, broccoli, red pepper and onion with curry, Basmati brown rice and the Swai with salsa and horseradish mustard. Oh, and half a sweet potato.

The interesting thing is that none of this is particularly demanding to make either in skill or time. I put the broccoli, pepper and onion together in 5 minutes with another ten to cook. The Kabocha and the sweet potato roast in the oven for about half an hour or so. The rice cooks during that same time. The Swai goes in the oven at the same time I start cooking the veggies and is done about the same time. Very quick and very easy.

I mention this because a friend once told me he doesn’t eat the way I do because he don’t have time to cook the food. He makes a steak or roasts some chicken and boils up some pasta…. My contention is that it takes about the same time to eat healthy as it does to make the meal my friend mentioned. If life is so busy that you can’t squeeze another 5 minutes to prepare a healthier meal then perhaps you need to reorder your life a little?

Peace

January 9, 2013
by mrmarkls 1 Comment

Life Can be Interesting

Working Hard

I am working hard. Physically hard. I am back to working as an electrician for the first time in many years. Up and down a ladder all day today, lifting 1 ½ inch pipe in to place. 15 feet off the ground, stretching, bending, pulling, pushing, carrying…

I could not have done this a year ago. No way at all. After climbing the ladder at least 40 times today I am not tired in the legs at all. The shoulders hurt because they are no accustomed to working this way after all these years of NOT working this way… I am so glad that I decided to take care of myself and get fit again.

Life would be hell right now if I had not done all this.

This is another reason to do it: it opens up possibilities.

No one said that grains couldn’t be delicious…

When my new job up and died on me, I had the option of going back to the physically demanding job I left 25 years ago. If I was still in the condition I was a little more than a year ago it would not have been a real option. I may have tried it but I would have failed. Up and down a ladder all day when walking up the stairs to the bedroom tired me out? I think not….

Weekend Plans

The weather is projected to be spring like this weekend with temperatures in the mid-50′s and sunny. I plan to get out and ride and hike. I need to contact my friend PGB and ask him if he would like to hike on Saturday or Sunday. Sunday is expected to be the warmer day but Saturday promises sunshine. Either day works for me to ride… I should see if KG or SA want to ride Sunday..

Other than that I want to sleep late. I may call the physical therapy place and make an appointment. I haven’t gone in weeks due to my crazy schedule and the holidays.. Time to get back to it.

I need a haircut…

I love weekends. So many possibilities..

When is it too much

I am thinking about pushing my weight down to 190. That is the very top of the “official” weight range for a man of my height and age. I am in the 197-198 range right now and I really feel great. I am not having much trouble maintaining the weight and keeping it below 200. I feel good about the way I am eating, enjoying the selection of foods. I have learned how to go to restaurants and control the urges to gorge on bread and such… I feel really good about where I am…

So when is it an area of concern that I still want to push my weight down. I am not thin. Truly I am not. At between 195 and 200 I am not thin. I am solid. I am lean. I am not thin. So then the question comes in: when Do I cross from lean to thin and am I really over thinking this all? At 190 I would be only 7-8 pounds less than I am now, I would be at the top of the normal range, I would have that much less to push up a hill….

But when does this cross from a solid concern and plan to an unhealthy obsession?

I really don’t think I am there yet and I think I am still a good distance away from that.

Here is how I view it right now: I lost the weight I HAD to lose. Then I lost the weight I should lose. Now I am looking at the weight it would be good to lose…

Or am I just rationalizing…

The drift to Vegetarian

With the exception of fish (mostly in the form of sashimi or sushi) I have drifted in to the vegetarian diet. I have not had poultry now in several weeks. I make the critical point here: vegetarian, not vegan. I have dairy and I will have eggs as an ingredient. I just have drifted to vegetarian as I have concentrated on improving my health and I have to say that I feel so good now.

I don’t know if the way I feel is because of the diet change or not. I eat mostly vegetables and fruits, some grains, some fish… I just know that I do feel good and the BP is excellent, the heart rate is very good, the cardio-fitness is very good. Exercise and the weight loss certainly must account for most of this but the I have to believe that the change in what, not just how much, has a significant part in the improvement as well.

The thing I had not known about was the cluelessness of some people when I ask for vegetarian options on the menu. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told “we have chicken”, or I have had to explain to the them that pork is meat…

Strange, right?

In any case, the drift continues and is actually picking up speed.

Lunch yesterday was an orange and Tabbouleh salad… This is not atypical. A year ago it would have been….

Then dinner was a sauté of Swiss chard, bok-choy, onions and peppers with ginger with brown rice. Acorn squash and beets on the side.

Notice anything missing? Yeah, the fish, poultry or red meat. I don’t miss it at all.

Drifting, drifting…

Peace

December 29, 2012
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

Starting the Second year

Now What?

For many people the weight loss is the goal. Once the target weight is met the diet goes, the exercise goes, the fitness goes and the weight starts to come back. The challenge is to make it a life style choice and not a diet. That is what I have been doing all along.

Today snow is in the forecast so I am not hiking as I had hoped to. I will go for a walk shortly. Walk to the high school, walk a few laps, do a few bleacher-sets and then walk back home. Yes, it is cold. Yes it is gray… This is the weather I faced when I started this Journey.

Much less drama in my life right now. I am at my goal weight, a little below 200 pounds, a little above 195. I am feeling good. The knee is OK, not great, it will never be great, but good. I am able to do things now that I couldn’t a year ago. I get anxious when the weather or my schedule prevents me from hiking or cycling or walking…

Life changes, people change. I can’t say I will never be fat again. I can tell you, I think I have developed the tools to not be fat again…

My mental image of myself is still that of a fat man. Not sure if that will ever change or if it should. If I continue to think of myself as fat I will continue to fight the battle… At least that is how I think about it right now.

I find that I still have so much to learn and to understand about how to do this. The losing part was easy: eat less, move more. The maintaining part is scary. It is uncharted territory. Look on-line: much advice about taking it off. Precious little about keeping it off.

Acorn Squash with roasted vegetables.
The way I eat now

I know that I cannot go back to the way I used to eat and that will not be an issue. Commercials for fast-food restaurants make me ill. I am not going back to being Wendy’s best customer…

The most important thing for me is to avoid snacking and nibbling.

So now what? Keep doing what I am doing and react to any weight gain aggressively and to stay active…

Still have the Nightmares

A couple of days ago Missus (who has lost 74 pounds) told me she had a nightmare where she had gained all the weight back in one day and her clothes were so tight that she shouldn’t take them off.

I have similar nightmares. I dream that all of this, the Journey, the blog, the fitness, the weight loss, have all been part of a long dream and I awaken (in the dream) to find that not only have I not lost weight but I have in fact gotten heavier overnight.

Are these dream common for people who have lost a great deal of weight?

I think as long as I am having the nightmares I may as well use them as motivation and that is what I try to do. Everything for me is about staying focused, staying motivated. It is all about the goal of staying fit.

Maybe the nightmares are good things.

Dear Negative Jackass

I had just met this fellow. The new boyfriend of a friend. His girlfriend, a woman my age, the widow of a childhood friend, hadn’t seen me since I started the Journey, hadn’t seen me since the day I saw my reflection. She exclaimed how great I looked and then explained to her new fellow that I had lost a great deal of weight and the usual conversation followed. Then he said, very matter of fact, that I would gain it back. He had lost 25 pounds (he was not a heavy man) and he had gained it all back. Everyone does (he explained to me).

Where do these people come from and why do they think they need to tell me I will ultimately fail?

So here is a letter to all the Negative Jackasses:

Can I tell you I will not gain the weight back? No, but I can tell you that I will continue to work this plan and continue to work towards the goal because I am determined to prevent failure. I do not need your negativity. I do not need your cautionary tales.

What I need is your congratulations, your pat on the pack. Your understanding of just how hard this fight is would be nice. If you can offer nothing else I would appreciate the smile of understanding.

Your failure will not be mine any more than my success or failure can be yours. I embarked on my Journey for my reasons and I got where I am through my focus and my determination to make a better life for myself and my family and I hope, by some extension, my friends.

I have moved mountains to get here. I changed 50+ years of bad habits, attitudes, ideas, understandings. I had to overcome fears the likes of which I cannot help you understand because I do not understand them myself. One of those fears is the fear of failure.

I went hiking with friends when I knew that I would be in pain and exhausted and embarrassed because they would have to slow down and wait for me. I have stood at the bottom of the mountain and fought the panic rising in me and taken that step up the hill, and then the second and then the third…

I have sat in my home office and cried because my belly got in the way of riding my bike. I have pushed away plates of food and I have given up foods I love. I have fought impulses and closed the refrigerator when all I wanted in life at that moment was a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich. I have fought against failure all the way along. Negativity I can generate on my own. I have generated plenty during this Journey.

Don’t tell me I WILL fail or MAY fail. I know that. I have failed before. I have lost it and gained it and lost it and gained it again. Everyone who has ever lost weight knows the risk of failure, the likelihood of failure. We need, we want, are positives as we go along this Journey. If you can’t offer support please just shut up.

There, I feel better now.

Fear and Anxiety

Along with the nightmares, I do have the same fears and anxieties I have battled all along. I fear gaining weight and now that I am on my maintenance mode I am even more fearful. I am anxious about everything I eat and this is no way to live. I am working my way through it but it is difficult. How do you get past this?

I plan.