A Monday Post

June 17, 2013

Next Sunday will be one year since I tore the meniscus and two ligaments in my right knee.

Why not wait until the anniversary to write about it? Because yesterday I rode my bike over many of the same roads I rode the day I tore up the knee. That day, June 23, 2012, I was 22 miles in to a 50 mile ride when I got hurt. I was not riding particularly well but I was mostly keeping up with the group and I was not the only one who had to walk up Vreeland Avenue.

Yesterday I ride with my boss at the bike shop and one other fellow. They are both stronger riders than I am and they had to wait up for me a couple of times. I was not riding particularly well but I had some good moments. I paced my boss up a hill and rode that one hill very well. I struggled on Vreeland Avenue BUT I DID NOT HAVE TO WALK IT.

Leaning in to a fast sweep….
The camera is parallel to the handle bars…..

Crossing the Reservoir Bridge

Approaching the Reservoir Tavern…

This ride was only a little under 25 miles, not the 50 mile ride I was on nearly a year ago. I have ridden further than that and I do so on a regular basis. But Sunday was a 25 mile ride and I was not riding well and…. But I didn’t walk Vreeland Avenue.

On June 17, 2012 I weighed 225 pounds. I am 25 less now. One year ago I was still taking the weight off, still getting in to shape. I was walking long hills.

I didn’t have to walk Vreeland Avenue yesterday.

And I finished the ride in good health. This is a good thing.

Next week I may ride with the early group on the shop ride. They ride hard and fast. If they drop me that will be fine. I need to ride with better riders riding at a brisk pace if I am to get stronger as a rider myself.

I would not have dreamed of that ride just one year ago… Now I think it may be time…

Acknowledging the Changes

I have changed the title of the blog a little. A FAT MAN’S JOURNEY (OK, NOT SO FAT NOW…) Really more like adding a subtitle…

Why? Well, I suppose it is to reflect the changes in me. I do not have a fat body any more. I am still, inside, in my mind, emotionally, a fat man. The body on the other hand….. Well, simply put…. I am not fat.

I remember when I wrote a blog post as I crossed under my goal weight of 210 pounds. I remember that rather than exultation at reaching the goal weight, I felt relief. Not relief as in the pursuit is over but rather relief that no one could look at me and say I was fat. I could not be called a fat man anymore. I was simply not fat. I was almost in tears as I wrote those words. I didn’t realize just how much being “the fat man” hurt until I wrote those words and the tears started to falls.

So I have added the subtitle. I am not fat. I am not ever sort of fat. Not on the outside. Not where you can see. Inside, in my emotional self I am still the fat man. Still afraid of being called fat, being made fun of, being afraid of being embarrassed by not fitting in a seat, standing out due to my size.

The subtitle s a start for me. An acknowledgement of the change.

Nice Dinner

Tonight we had a really nice vegetarian dinner. Most of our dinners are vegetarian come think of it.. Anyway. Tonight I grilled Kabocha, sweet potato, and plantain. Missus roasted golden and red beets and I took the greens from the beets and chopped them up with some onion and red pepper. I steamed them in a foil pouch on the grill.

All very tasty, very nutritious, very healthy. We sat on the back deck and relaxed and enjoyed the meal.

The Younger and I discussed science and school and had one of the more grownup conversations we have had to date. He is a bright kid.

The dogs romped about on the deck; Casey chasing birds, Cody wondering what is wrong with Casey…

It was a joy.

Life can be that way.

Peace

May 29, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

New Goals, a Growing Understanding

Reinvention

At the emotional level, I think I was fat in high school, photographic evidence to the contrary. The emotional landscape is a tricky place.

Though it took me a long time to realize it, this Journey has always been about reinvention. It has been about creating an improved me. At first it was just about the body. Lose weight and get fit. Soon I came to understand that for me to reach the goals I set for weight loss and fitness I had to address the emotions behind the physical me.

I have written about this many times; my need to understand the why behind the excess weight and the constant eating and the underlying needs that the food was feeding. I also had to face the facts that the weight gave me something to hide behind. If I was “The Fat Man” in the group I had an identity that was my own. I didn’t have to establish myself. My size established me, defined me, and categorized me. Everything that came after, the gregariousness, the loudness, the talkativeness, the humor, all came after the size. In new situations I could hide behind my size.

As I lost the weight I often wrote about trying to figure out who I am if I am not “The Fat Man”.

If you are picking up an undercurrent of insecurity, well yes, that is a big part of it all.

I am convinced that a factor in gaining back the weight for many who have traveled a similar Journey is this insecurity, addressing the physical side without addressing the emotions behind it. There is a loss of identity in weight loss. My image of myself is of a fat man. I KNOW I was lean in high school. I remember that I weighed in the 170’s and peaked around 200 pounds by the time I graduated but I still have a moment of surprise when I see the pictures of the lean teenager I was. I think I was always fat.

I came to realize that for this weight loss to be a permanent thing, for me to stay below my maximum allowable weight (205 pounds), I would have to become the lean me emotionally not only physically.

I am self-conscious with a plate of food in my hand. I still think I am the big fat guy overeating. I have to understand that I am not a fat guy. I am not thin. This much I know, but I am not fat. I am more lean. I am fit. I know this intellectually. I have to understand it emotionally and I am not there yet.

This is the reinvention. I have to become the lean me. I have to think lean but more to the point I have to FEEL lean. I have to see myself as lean and fit. I still see myself as fat.

Without the fat to hide behind I find that I talk less. I am quieter. Now understand that all things are relative and I am still a chatty guy. It is a matter of degrees. When I started to Hike with PGB and MT I would talk the entire hike (when not gasping for air). I am now content to chat a little and enjoy the act of the hike. Maybe PGB and MT hear it differently but that is my perception.

I am reinventing my person. Growing more comfortable with the skin I am in. I am stretching myself.

I have recently accepted a part-time job at a Local Bike Shop, combining my love of cycling with my gregarious nature. I am stretching myself to pursue a deeper involvement in this avocation.

Reinvention.

I didn’t know it back 18 months ago that this was all about reinvention. I know it now.

My New Weight Goal

After nine months at or below my goal weight, after successfully maintaining my weight through the winter months and the unusually cold and wet spring, I am now ready to reset the weight goal.

I am still medically overweight. That is to say according to the Body Mass Index (yes a highly flawed measure) I am still in the “overweight” range.

I have a BMI of about 26. To fall in to the normal range I need a BMI of 24.9 or less. That would be 191 pounds. I am 200 right now.

I don’t know that I will get to 191 and that is not truly my goal. Knowing the BMI is highly flawed and does not take in to account bone structure or muscle mass, I am aiming for a BMI of 25.4 or 195 pounds. I am adjusting my weight chart to reflect this new goal and I will change the “Weighty Issues” section of this blog to reflect the new goal.

Why? Well not simply for the BMI. The reality is I am still carrying too high a percentage of fat on my frame. I still have a belly on me. I am looking at buying a scale that measures fat percentage. I know they are not extremely accurate but they tend to be consistent. That will give me the base line and help me track my progress.

With just five or six pounds to go to the new goal I plan to take it slowly, keeping calories at the current level and increasing the activity. The plan is to continue improving my fitness and building muscle mass and reduce the fat percentage. This will result in slow going to the goal. I will get there.

This will all result in a healthier and stronger me. I am looking at upper body workouts now. Has to help.

So there it is; my new goal.

Plans

On Saturday I had thought about going for a hike but then I remembered I start my new part-time gig on Saturday. I am JAZZED. On Sunday I am riding in the Bergen County Bike Tour in Bergen County NJ. 45 miles and I have only ridden 20 miles since May 5. Oh My! Well at least I can breathe again as the lingering effects of the head cold are finally drifting off.

Saturday June 8 I am in the Ride 4 Autism, doing a metric Century (62 miles equals 100 kilometers) with my good friends KG and NI.

Sunday I will work at the Bike shop. I plan to ride to work and back and in this way get in my 30 miles. If I get there early enough I can also do the club ride and get a really good day of riding in.

I like these plans. I like making plans. Making plans has been a major factor, if not THE major factor, in my weight loss and fitness. Heck, I even call it “The Plan”.

I think a mistake that is common on Journeys such as this is failing to plan. I plan everything. Meal, hikes, walk, rides, sleep….

Without the plans I would be lost.

With the plans I have found an entirely new me, though I am still figuring out who that is.

Peace

May 26, 2013
by mrmarkls 5 Comments

Contemplations and a Weekend

My Roller Coaster

When I started this Journey in December 2011 I really had no clue what I was getting in to. I didn’t know that I would soon start a blog and would expose every raw nerve to anyone who happened across my writings.

I didn’t know that emotions would play such a large part in the Journey. I didn’t realize it was a Journey at all at the time.

I started the Journey because I was fat and it bothered me to be fat. I felt awful all the time. I was physically uncomfortable all the time. It was only after I started the work to take off the weight that I started to really explore the emotions and psychology of all this.

In this blog I have shared with everyone who cared to read about it most of the emotions I have experienced as I traveled along. Al of the anger, fear, anxiety, depression, joy, pleasure, rapture, exultation and so on of this trip has been laid out before you.

I would say up days have been more common than down days but it is close. For each time I was overjoyed by an accomplishment, there would be a nearly offsetting day of depression or anxiety.

This journey has been a rocky one to be sure. It has also been overwhelmingly worthwhile.

As I have battled all of these ups and downs I have also explored the reasons for them.

I am working on putting these thoughts in to a blog post and I will post it soon.

The Weekend Trip

What had started out as a family trip to my brother’s family home I for the Memorial Weekend Cookout his family hosts each year turned in to a Father-Son weekend for the Younger one and me. With Missus down with a respiratory infection,we decided that I would take the younger one and Missus and the older one and the two hounds would stay home. Instead of leaving at silly o’clock Saturday morning the younger and I left Friday afternoon, pulling in to the hotel at 10:00 PM.

At the Museum

Instead of spending Saturday morning in the car, the younger and I were able to enjoy a relaxed yet light breakfast and then went to the Air and Space museum at Dulles International before heading off to the cookout.

The Younger One in front of the Space Shuttle

One of the most satisfying aspects of the weight loss and the fitness has been the ability to do what I could not contemplate before. When all was said and done and the Younger and I had explored every nook and cranny of the museum, my FITBIT said we had walked a little over three and a half miles. Then we went to the cookout where I essentially stood or walked the entire day from 1:30 until we headed back to the hotel at 9:30.

The Space Shuttle. WE were the first visitors of the day to get to the Shuttle display and we were able to take pictures without people in the way!

The Younger One at the Museum

To do this two years ago was simply not in the range of my abilities. I would not have been able to walk three plus miles and then stand and walk and climb stairs and chat and walk and stand and climb stairs… Barely sitting at all the entire day. Could not have done it. I would have been exhausted and in great discomfort.

It was easy yesterday.

I really enjoyed the museum. I loved the cookout. Spending the weekend with The Younger One? PRICELESS!

The Cookout

Controlling my eating at the cookout was a failure. I over-ate. By a bunch. I had brownies. I had a cupcake. I had a cookie. I had several bowls of vegetarian chili. I had two chicken skewers. I had some salads, many strawberries, etc. I did NOT have red meat or diet soda or regular soda or alcohol or a myriad of other not so good for me foods but what I ate I ate much of.

I think I had about 3500 calories yesterday and I am not really happy with my lack of discipline. I decided to allow myself the day of excess and to not beat myself up about it but today I beat myself up pretty good….

I did get up early this morning and do a mile + on the treadmill at the hotel and I have kept today’s calorie count below 2000. I did enjoy yesterday but giving in to temptation and eating to excess still frightens me.

Much of my conversation yesterday had to do with how much weight I have lost and how I did it. Some of the people there have not seen me in two years, most have not seen me in a year. Several did not recognize me until my Brother introduced me. One refused to believe I could have lost that much weight (we had never met before) until I showed him the before picture.

I enjoy the conversations. I truly do. Who does not like to hear the kudos and huzzahs? Still I am starting to feel like a one trick pony. It is as if I have nothing else to say… I have to work on this.

I guess it is natural for people to be curious about how and why. The how has always been easier for me to explain than the why. Silly as that sounds. The why is rather complicated. On the surface of course it is because being 100+ pounds over weight is unhealthy and uncomfortable and I hated it. But that is not what people are asking when they ask why. They are asking why did it become so important to you that you have been able to lose it and keep it off when so many fail in their efforts to lose it and most who do lose it can’t keep it off. What happened? Why is it working for you.

That is the harder question to answer because I don’t really know.

The cookout was a little smaller this year I think as the weather was cooler than normal for this time of year. It was still wonderful. Seeing my Nephews and my niece and their friends and the friends of my brother and his wife is always fun for me. Being so comfortable in the skin I am in made it much more fun.

My cousin the cardiologist was at the part y this year. He has not seen me in person in a couple of years though he has seen the pictures. His JOY at seeing the new lean me was palpable. When a cardiologist sings your praise it feels good.

So a weekend with The Younger One, a wonderful cookout, praise from friends and family and forgiving myself for over indulgence and getting right back on plan the next day and Sunday breakfast with my brothers family. A really wonderful weekend

Peace

May 16, 2013
by mrmarkls 8 Comments

Sick at Home

I have a head cold. Missus will tell you, with a great deal of truth, that I am a terrible patient. I hate being sick (doesn’t everyone) and I tend to get the worst of it when a cold or the flu goes through the family, as it is now.

It started with the Younger One and moved on to Missus and now I have it. Last night was hell. No sleep, pain in my throat, congestion. Sigh. I hate colds…

So I am catching up on some blog stuff.

It is almost two weeks since the Five Boro Bike tour and I am still enjoying the glow of a fun ride and time with good friends, new and old.

I hope to be well enough to ride on Saturday or Sunday. I didn’t ride last weekend, though I did hike, and I want to get on the bike…..

Yes you CAN

This is a steady theme on this blog. YOU can lose weight. Don’t dare tell me you can’t. You can get out and get exercise, get fit, lose weight. YOU CAN.

I did. I have lost the weight, I am keeping it off. I am getting more and more fit. I decided to do it. I put my mind, heart and soul in to doing it.

You can do it.

I am worn out by people telling me I did a great job, wish they could lose weight like that but they just CAN’T.

The body knows no secret to keeping weight on. Don’t feed it and you will lose weight. Under feed it and you will lose weight slower. YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT.

When I was a waiter at a Catskill Mountain resort in the late 1970′s, there was a masseuse at the hotel who was as wide as she was tall, let’s call her Sally. I worked the Children’s/Athletic Staff dining room and Sally ate her meals, three times a day, in my dining room. Lunch was always interesting. She would order the salad platter. A scoop of Tuna Salad, a scoop of Egg Salad, lettuce, tomato, some other vegetables. The platter was probably a reasonable 600 calories or so. Sally would then reward herself for eating the salad platter by having two pieces of cake.

Then she would complain about not losing weight.

She could. She wouldn’t.

I think that is the distinction. If you are overweight you can lose weight. The question is will you? Will you make the changes in what you eat, how much you eat and WHY you eat to make the weight loss happen?

Enough pulpit pounding for today.

Pictures from the Five Boro Bike Tour

It was a beautiful day for a ride. Very cold at the start, very windy as we waited on Church Street at 6:00 in the morning. I was wrapped in a plastic trash bag to keep the wind off me. In one of the pictures you can see it rolled up in my jersey pocket before I put it in the trash at the first rest area.

I think I stopped shivering somewhere on 6th Avenue just before we entered Central Park.

By the time we crossed back from The Bronx in to Manhattan I had warmed up as the temperatures rose on a sun-filled day with little wind and not a cloud to be seen. Once out of the Concrete Canyon that is 6th Avenue it was a wonderful ride.

SM, NI and Me. 6:60 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen....

SM, NI and Me. 6:30 AM, at the start line. Trying hard to look cheerful and not frozen….

Crossing the Queensboro Bridge

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. All that I have worked for over the last 18 months is captured in this picture

I think you can see on my face the pleasure I am taking from this ride. I had crested the bridge, I had clear road ahead of me and I was soaking in the sun. Captured in this picture is all that I have worked for over the last 18 months

At the Brooklyn Bridge Rest Area with Lower Manhattan as a backdrop. You can see the New World Trade Center Tower behind me.

Rolling down the FDR Drive….

And one Last Picture from the Tour(s)

On the left is the 2010 tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 260 pounds and my weight is on the way up.
On the right is the 2013 Tour as I cross the Queensboro Bridge. 201 pounds and holding steady.

May 9, 2013
by mrmarkls 2 Comments

Thursday and All is Well

Odd Things

I knew that losing weight and getting fit would bring on changes in my body. I just wasn’t really prepared for just how extensive those changes would be. As Missus and I did a next-to-last purge of the fat man clothes a few nights ago I came across a pair of dress slacks that I had for years. Wonderful wool slacks, a medium gray, the best pair of slacks I have every owned, now way to large. How large? I was able to put BOTH of my legs in to one of the pants legs… Should have taken a picture of THAT….

Jackets once too tight now wrap around me like a bathrobe. Sweater once snug are now like tents on me.

All three males in this household wear the same waist pants! 34-inch waist on the Older, the Young and the Dad….

Odd things.

Like these….

I started wearing Bib-shorts for cycling a number of years ago because the waist on regular cycling shorts would roll down because of my gut. Bib-shorts would serve the dual purpose of preventing that and holding in the belly so I looked a little thinner.

I got to the point I was wearing XXL bib-shorts.

Now all my bib-shorts are too large on me (even the XL) and I now find that I wear a MEDIUM in a regular cycling short. How’s THEM apples….

Fortunately I do have a couple of pair of bib shorts that still fit OK and I can wear them but…. Well, I am looking forward to buying regular cycling shorts. IN A MEDIUM!

My jersey size is still an XL… Go figure… Well that is at least in part because I like a slightly loose jersey and my long torso begs for a longer shirt….

Odd things…

Trying to Keep the Calories UP

I am having trouble again keeping my calories up. I find that with the new job (and the increased walking and so forth) and my continued slide to vegetarian I am coming in at

Roasted Cauliflower, Sweet Potato, and Broccoli, Coriander Chutney, Matouks Flambeau Hot Sauce and Lentils in a spicy tomato Sauce…

1000 calories or more UNDER plan. This would explain why I have dropped 3 pounds this week on top of the two I lost on the ride this past weekend. I have dropped from 206 on Friday last to 201 this morning.

I have to watch this. Dropping that much that fast at this point is not a good thing. I have to find a way to increase the calories without putting myself at risk of losing control of my eating. This is a concern for me no matter what. I just have to watch it so closely…

Tonight I find myself at a 990 calorie short fall. This is after I allowed myself a chocolate chip cookie (empty, but delicious, calories). So I will be adding in a more substantial lunch at work to see if I can bring the calories up that way. I also need to increase the size of breakfast. Ding that my last three breakfasts have been less than 300 calories… Should be closer to 450 now that I am in maintenance mode…

When I was fat all I really thought about was food. Now that I am lean and for all of the Journey all I ever really think about is food.

Just a different angle on it now…

Giving Back to my Sport…

One of the nice things about an organized bike ride, be it a fund-raiser or just a fun ride, is the rest areas. Free food like PB&J sandwiches, bananas, cereal bars and the like, and water bottle refills, restrooms, and a place to rest up off the bike for a few minutes. They are staffed by volunteers who would probably rather ride but give back to their sport and work the rest areas instead.

I volunteered for a ride sponsored by my bike club last year because I could not ride due to my knee injury.

I was asked to volunteer again this year and I have agreed to do so. The ride is the Ramapo Rally and I will be working the Montville Township NJ rest area. Look for the guy with the Pepper Theme cycling cap.

I look at it as giving back to the sport that has given me so much.

All is Right, Right Now…

Life has normalized a little for us right now. I am working and feeling good about the new job. It is right in my wheelhouse in terms of skills and knowledge and I am enjoying the challenges and I feel on top of my game.

The boys are doing well. The Younger is doing well in school and he is great at watching the Older one for us. The Older one is doing fine, still is, and always will be, a challenge but he is settling a little and his rough times are getting shorter, less rough and a little further apart. We think we have found a program for him for two or three days a week and so he will be able to get out of the house and be with his peeps. That HAS to help. Missus is looking forward to a few hours a few days a week to herself.

It has been a rough road the last few months. I dealt with much self-doubt and frustration. In the old days I would have found refuge in food. This time I found refuge in activity. Cycling mostly, hiking as well. I found the release and relief in pushing myself. This is so far removed from where I was.

So right now, this day, this week, All is Right with my little corner of the world.

A little side note

A note to my friends at home, on Facebook and on this blog, and to my family for their support of the Ride 4 Autism. So far your generosity has raised nearly $1000.00 on my ride page. I am stunned and deeply humbled by the generosity. Thank you

Peace.

May 7, 2013
by mrmarkls 6 Comments

Tuesday Reflections and Feelings

How it REALLY Feels

I have written about this before but I have given it more thought and I want to write about it some more.

Loving it!

How good do I feel?

People often say something to the tune of “I bet you feel great” or “You must feel wonderful”, referring to how I feel physically now that my body no longer carries around so much extra ME.

I always answer the same way, in the affirmative. I do feel great, I do feel wonderful. Things that once ached all the time now don’t ache at all or ache rarely or less. The interesting thing though is that it is only in retrospect that I realize how awful I felt.

I didn’t know at the time that being fat and out of shape caused so much of the aches and pains. Much of it I put down to getting older. The inevitable consequence of an aging body. I didn’t understand, or didn’t want to understand, that it was the weight, the abuse of the body from carrying over 100 pounds of excess.

How does it really feel? It feels as though I have taken 10 or more years off my body. I can do now at 52 what I could not do at 42. I can do at this age what 15 years ago was becoming a struggle. I feel as though I have lost not only pounds but age as well.

How does it really feel? It feels as though life has been given back to me. It feels as though I have opened closed doors and found a me I thought was lost forever.

Losing the weight, building the fitness feels like I found a secret to life. It is the kind of thing that if it happened for you overnight after the visitation of three spirits you would open the window and shout it out to all who would hear and you would buy a prize turkey for everyone in sight.

Do I feel great? What it better than great?

With the Five-Boro behind me now I am looking forward to the next few adventures.

I am going on a hike this coming Saturday with good friends MT and PGB. I believe PGB said it is something like 8 miles of trail. Included in this is a “Billy-Goat Climb”, meaning, I suspect, that it is a hand-over-hand steep ascent. I am really excited about this. Not so long ago PGB would not have even proposed such a hike to me. Now it is simply another good hike in good company.

If I get back early enough I will go on a bike ride to the Bike Club Picnic. We will see. I plan to ride Sunday afternoon as well, once we return from visiting my Mother-In-Law for Mothers Day.

June 2nd I have the Tour of Bergen County. 45 miles through the hills of Northeastern New Jersey. That should be fun but I am nervous about the hills.

June 8th comes the next big challenge, the Ride 4 Autism. 62 miles through the countryside of central New Jersey. Beautiful area. This ride is very dear to me as it raises money for Autism awareness and research. It is my daily hope that treatments for Fragile X Syndrome will be found as a direct result of this research.

Between this weekend and the Ride 4 Autism, I will get in as much cycling as I can. I really need to hit the hills. I need the practice and I need to build the stamina and leg strength.

I need to find more rides for later in the year. I want to do the North-Fork Century on Long Island at the end of the summer but it is a very expensive and I am not sure I can justify the expense.

There is another Century ride in Connecticut in the fall that appeals to me and I am giving it serious thought.

Of course there will also be some hiking in there.

This is what I mean when I say I opened a door and found a me that was lost forever.

Eating

Today marks day three of vegetarian eating. No meat of any type: mammal, bird, or fish. This isn’t really intentional. It is just progressing that way.

We have added quinoa to our menu to increase the amount of protein we are getting, also added more beans. We also get protein from dairy. We are sliding to vegetarian, not vegan.

A typical dinner: Kabocha and Butternut Squash, Brown Rice, mixed greens and a Sweet Potato

We are excited that local produce will start to hit the market in a couple of months and we will plant our own garden in another couple of weeks. We are especially looking forward to home-grown veggies…

The boys are not following us on this so far. They continue to eat red meats. Burgers are a big favorite. We are trying to set the good example and we encourage them to follow. We have had limited success so far. The Older One eats anything we serve him so we are having more success with him. The Younger One…

If you had told me two years ago this would be me I would have scoffed.

Life, who knew?

Peace

April 29, 2013
by mrmarkls 4 Comments

The Week Begins, After a Really Good Weekend

The Monday After

Me, On the 50 mile ride this weekend

There was a time, a long, long time ago when I might ride 60-70 miles in a weekend. I certainly rode well over 100 miles in a week many times.

It has been a long time since I have ridden so far in a weekend.

I did it this weekend.

I few weeks ago I had a 60 mile weekend. This weekend I had a 70 mile weekend and I feel wonderful

On Saturday I rode 52 miles (as mentioned) and yesterday I did an easy 18+ to keep the legs limber.

I expected to be a little leg-weary today. I wasn’t. I feel great! The legs feel normal. I was up and down stairs today with no sense of stress or effort.

This is progress!

It was a Super Weekend

After weeks of cold and wet and dismal weather, we had a wonderful weekend. Bright sunshine, morning chill giving way to 70-degree afternoons. The Saturday ride started out chilly but soon warmed nicely and with little wind we were all able to enjoy a good spring ride. That afternoon we grilled dinner and ate on the deck.

On Sunday, Missus and I went out and did some shopping and enjoyed each other’s company. We shopped at a little gourmet grocery store and picked up a baguette, some roasted eggplant, some corn and bean salsa, some salmon….

I went for the 18 mile ride after we came home and when I returned I smoked the salmon and we had roasted vegetables and the salmon with the salsa and the roasted eggplant for dinner. Dessert was fresh pineapple.

Somewhere in all this Missus and I went shopping and bought flowers for the front of the house and I planted marigolds, posies and a variety of daisies along the fence.

The Younger and I spent some time together kidding around and playing with the dogs. The Older one spent time with us on the porch as I planted the flowers…

All in all? I couldn’t ask for a better weekend.

That Ain’t so Much…

I was told recently that losing 100+ pounds was not much of an accomplishment. It was the opinion of he who made the statement that losing 100 pounds seemed easy to him because he had lost 15 pounds “like nothing, so 100 pounds Ain’t Much”…

Sigh

To each their own.

It has been a big deal to me.

Just thought I would mention it.

I Don’t Stand Out!

Someone took a handful of pictures of the ride on Saturday and posted them on Facebook. Nice pictures of a fun ride on a beautiful day. I am in three or four of the pictures.

Here is what stood out to me about the pictures I am in: I don’t stand out.

I don’t stand out. Let that sink in for a second.

When you are 100+ pounds overweight you stand out. You are the focus of every photograph. Even standing in the back, hiding behind three or four skinny people, you stand out.

I have stood out in pictures for so many years…. In pictures of family events. In pictures of a casual get-together. In candid shots. In formal shots. I stood out.

In these pictures I stand out to me because I don’t stand out. I look like I belong. I look “normal”. I look unexceptional. I look like everyone else on the ride. I am wearing my cycling tights and my cold weather jersey and I look just like everyone else on the ride.

Later in the pictures I have taken off the cold weather jersey and I have on my regular short-sleeved jersey and I looks just like everyone else.

I don’t stand out.

I am still letting that sink in.

This Week

The Five-Boro Bike Tour is next Sunday. I will spend this week staying healthy and preparing for the ride. I MIGHT get in an evening ride this week if the schedule and the weather permits. Mostly I will stretch, walk, rest and eat right.

And I will stay away from anyone who sneezes or coughs.

I hope to get to the High School field and do some bleacher-sets because I really need to build leg-strength. I don’t seem to have regained all I lost after the knee injury and I am REALLY struggling with hill climbs on my bike…

SO that is the plan. Stay in one piece for the week…

Wish me luck

Peace.

April 27, 2013
by mrmarkls 4 Comments

A Day of Triumphs

A great ride on a wonderful day

Great Day

The weather has finally turned in our favor here in New Jersey. A morning temperature in the mid-50′s gave way to a wonderful 70 degree noon. I went on a club ride today. 52 miles through the rolling hills of Bergen, Passaic and Morris Counties. Franklin Lakes to Denville and back again.

By the time we had reached the midway point in Denville I needed to shed my cycling jacket and get down to just the jersey. It was fun to realize than I could roll up the jacket and ties the sleeves around my waist.

I can’t say that I rode great. I rode well for the most part but I am still struggling with hills. I need to build my leg strength. Practice. The only way to do it.

The feeling of the sun on my face and the warm air over me as I rode was nearly intoxicating.

A great group of about thirty riders did the ride and it was truly a fun group. Chatter as we rode, jokes, singing. It was fun.

Though I am a little disappointed with my struggled on the hills I take great satisfaction at not having to walk any up any. I rode them all, slow yes, but I rode them.

We stopped at a little café-bakery-coffee shop in Denville by the name of Mara’s. Tables outside. Sunshine, conversation, a blueberry scone…

A GREAT day.

52 miles.

My Weight

My weight had spiked recently. Not sure why. My calorie counts tell me I was on target but the weight still jumped to 207+ lbs. Scary. I redoubled my efforts. Watched the salt intake. Reduced the calories. Increased the veggies, decreased the carbohydrates. I am back around 201 lbs.

steady steady steady

I am sure as I sit here right now, just a few hours after dinner and after our snack of fresh pineapple, that I am probably around 205 lbs but this will drop overnight. The important thing is that I recognized the bad trend and made corrections to reverse the trend immediately. I didn’t wait. I acted.

The cycling today certainly will pay dividends. As will the thirty mile ride I want to try tomorrow. Burn the calories and don’t replace them all and you will lose weight…

Today I am at about a 2500 calories deficit. This is good. Ride 50+ miles and you will burn some serious calories.

Reflections

One year ago today I weighed 250.6 lbs. Today I am 201.2 Lbs. WOW. Even at that I had lost over 50 pounds.

I was riding. I was eating better. The weight was coming down very quickly. I was exactly four months in to my Journey. I had lost 55 lbs… I still had so far to go.

Looking back now I can see just how fast, dramatic even, the weight loss was. 55 pounds in exactly 4 months. YIKES.

The rest of the weight would come, has come off.

I was riding my bike then too. I may have ridden that day. I don’t remember. I know I was depressed that I was unable to get signed up for the 5-boro bike tour. I am doing it this year, one week from tomorrow.

I had ridden a 22 mile ride with my friend KG a few weeks earlier. I was getting there. And to think I had only started the Journey four months earlier.

So here I am today. Sixteen months in to the never-ending Journey. I rode 52 miles today. This is the longest ride I have done since the Ride-4-Autism last June when my friend NI had to help push me up a couple of hills. I finished the ride. It was hard but I did it. KG was on the ride. She rode great and finished ahead of NI and me. Well, we did miss a turn… OK, I MISSED THE TURN…

This is the longest ride I have done since I tore up my knee last June. The knees were fine. I now just have to build up the legs.

Next weekend I will do the 40+ mile tour in NYC. I did the ride in 2010. I am much stronger now. Much lighter now.

16 months now in to my Journey.

I am upset that I struggle so with the hills. I am bothered that I am still working on building up my legs.

Then I realize that it was one year ago that I still had 50 pounds to go to reach 200. It was only 16 months ago that I looked at the fat man in the mirror and said “you have to go now”.

Reflections.

I like who I see in the mirror now.

Peace

March 17, 2013
by mrmarkls 8 Comments

Sunday and a Hike

Went for a walk in the woods…

I went for a walk in the woods today, a hike if you will. I walked with a friend, SA and his niece M. We walked nearly nine miles and we walked at a good pace and we chatted and we enjoyed. It was a great start to a very good day.

Today’s Hike

The hiking is one of the activities representative of the changes in me over the last 15 months or so. When I started this Journey, or even before. Going back to the first time I walked at the Rockefeller Preserve in October of 2011. I think the hike was about 4 miles and I was spent at the end. I remember facing the long hill back up to the parking area and I wanted anything but to hike that hill. I managed but I stopped three times on the way. I got to the car and I was winded and exhausted and questioning my sanity for even thinking about that walk much less doing it.

Now hikes are so important to me. I try to plan one most weekends. I don’t get tired. I just keep going. Where once I struggled to maintain a 2-mile per hour pace I now walk over hill and dale at a three and a half mile an hour pace. TO me the hikes are illustrative of the overall change. Not just the change in weight and fitness but more deeply than that, it chows the changes in the mindset that can take place when you commit yourself to change.

Along the Trails at the Rockefeller Preserve

As SA, his niece, and I walked, I found it easy to chat because I was not getting winded. I enjoyed the hike and didn’t even think to stop for a break. I realized after the hike that perhaps I should have offered a break to my companions but they didn’t ask and I didn’t feel the need….

The woods were chilly today. It was low thirties as we walked but the exertion was enough, along with the layers of clothes, to keep me warm. I was able to truly enjoy the hike. I didn’t have to concern myself with being tired. I could just hike.

As we approached the end we decided to take a side hike to the top of the overlook. It is a good climb and we walked briskly. We didn’t stay long at the top; just long enough to snap a few pictures and then we headed back towards the bottom and the long climb back to the parking lot. These were the two longest and steepest climbs of the hike.

Some Breads for dinner tonight

I guess this is just a way of saying how good I felt today. I finished up in time to get home and make some breads to have with dinner tonight. We enjoyed the company of our friends DG and PG. I made a shrimp and chicken sausage Creole. Very tasty. Well received.

I would not have had the energy for a long walk and an afternoon spent in the kitchen a year ago. Now I don’t even question it.

High Point-Cape May.

A happy development from today’s hike is the possibility that SA will join KAR and me on High Point-Cape May adventure.

That makes three. I am hoping that we might get a fourth but three would be fine. Two would be fine. I just don’t want to go alone…

We plan to do the ride in early September over the course of three days. We expect to travel light with just the spare tubes and so forth that any cyclist would ride with. This is contingent on getting someone or a few people to act as our support team. Carrying our luggage so to speak… Meeting us at the rest areas, getting our hotels set up and the like. Any volunteers?

So much planning yet to do for a little (240-mile) bike ride…

Weighty Issues

Stepped on the scale and expected to see that I had gained a little weight. Nope. 201.6 pounds this AM. This is something that is amazing me really. Even when I think I have been over eating it turns out that I am doing a fair job of regulating my consumption after all. Even though the calorie counts look right, it sometimes feels that I am over doing it.

I need to trust myself a little more perhaps.

Will the warm weather EVER get here…

WE are expecting snow tomorrow afternoon in to the night. March 18 and we are looking at snow…

I am done with this. I need some 50-degree days. I want to get on the bike more than I have been. I have 7 weeks to the 5-boro ride and I need to lay down a base of miles…

This cold stuff is not doing it for me.

I can hike in the cold but I have never been able to adjust to cold weather cycling.

Sigh..

Peace

January 15, 2013
by mrmarkls 3 Comments

Thoughts on a Tuesday Afternoon

A Day in the Life

When I was driving 90+ miles to work each day it was difficult for me to stay on the plan. Eating breakfast at 4:00 AM and then waiting until noon for lunch was difficult and so I spent too much time talking myself out of eating…

Now I am driving 10 miles to work, eating breakfast at 7:00 AM, eating a very light lunch and then a nice dinner. It gets much easier to stay close to the plan.

Today was a typical day for me in terms of food: Kashi Go-Lean Crunch and a banana for breakfast, a light lunch of fruit and dinner was a piece of fish, kale and mushrooms and butternut squash with some brown rice.

It is all about food right? It is all we think about when trying to lose weight or maintain weight loss. Food. Always food. Calories in, calories out, and what did I eat….

It is also about focus. I got to my peak weight by constantly eating and eating the wrong foods and not thinking about it. The only time I really thought about food was when I was cooking or when I was ordering at a restaurant. Otherwise it was all mindless…

So my day now is about work and thinking about what and when I will eat and making sure I think it all through and count it all.

That is a day in my life.

Loving to cook

I love to cook. It has been one of my favorite hobbies for so long… Tonight I made a dish of kale, mushrooms and corn, sautéed and then steamed. Made it up as I went along. Tilapia topped with tomatoes and horseradish mustard baked in the oven and roasted butternut squash. This is fun. Finding new ways to treat foods each day, keeping the menu varied. WE eat so many different foods than we did 14 months ago. It doesn’t get boring. We are still discovering new vegetable. Mustard greens and Swiss Chard are two new favorites.

All of this rekindles my love of cooking each day. It is not a chore to go to the kitchen and start working on a meal even after a long day at work.

I am looking to all of you for suggestions of new vegetables to try and any recipes…….

Enjoying Getting Tired

I hated doing any physical work. A year plus ago I hated it. I got tired so easily. I hated walking, forget about running. I wanted to ride my bike but the belly was in the way and I got so tired just doing a five mile ride.

I didn’t do anything around the house. I simply was to exhausted all the time. Mowing the lawn was a hated chore.

Things change.

When I ride or hike now I want to get tired. I am disappointed if the hike does not wear me out, if the ride leaves me still feeling fresh. I feel I have not pushed myself if I can finish a 5 mile hike or a 30 mile ride and not feel worn down a bit.

I am enjoying the workouts now. I want to be out of breath, I want to be wearied. The fact is that it takes much more to wear me down then it did 14 months ago. It is now a challenge to push myself to exhaustion and I feel I have accomplished something if I manage to do so.

I am enjoying the act of getting tired.

Strange??

COME ON SPRING (or at least spring like weather)

I need to ride. It is driving me crazy to not ride. I thought this past weekend would give me the opportunity and I had the bike out and ready to go but the weather stayed raw and chill and I didn’t ride. I did hike and that was wonderful. Walking in the woods is like spending time with a dear friend. I allow the woods to do the talking as I walk along with only the occasional response. I can hike even in the chill and I enjoy it nearly as much but it is not the same as riding.

If the weather will get to the mid fifties I can ride. I have all the cold weather gear (as I have mentioned) and I can ride in colder weather but it is from fifty degrees on up that riding becomes fun for me.

I am looking to do a couple of short over-night hikes. Something along the Appalachian Trail… Spring holds that promise.

Here in the gray of winter it is hard to get enthused about much outdoors but I do enjoy cross-country skiing (if only the snow would stick around) and I can (as mentioned) hike.

I wouldn’t call this cabin fever but it is close.

COME ON SPRING.

By the way: I have not had a visit from the Black Dog in weeks. This is a good thing

Peace