I didn’t walk tonight though I did plenty at work. Raining and cold tonight and I am really frustrated with the weather. My long ride this weekend is now to be a long hike on Saturday along with the previously planned hike on Sunday.

Actually I am going to try running some of the trail in NY on Saturday, something I really loved doing in my younger days. WE will see how it goes…..

The weather is really getting to me. It is affecting my mood and making me somewhat surly… I want to ride, I want to walk and this weather is killing me. Cold is the one thing I cannot deal with while riding….

I broke the 250 barrier today. Stepped on the scale and it read 249.6. Very please. SO much has gone in o to this effort.

PB is making Ginger Scones and bringing some with him for the hike on Sunday….. He calculated the calories. 254 each!! I can fit a half in to the plan and I will do so…. I like scones and I like ginger. Stands to reason I will like them together….

I put on 40 inch waist pants last night and they fit snugly…. Soon, Soon, Soon…. 4 months ago the idea was laughable…

Here is a little of the blank verse I write:

Because I Didn’t Go.

4/26/2012

I didn’t go.

It has left a hole. I didn’t go and there’s a dark spot where light should have shined. I didn’t go because I wasn’t ready and then that day never came and so I never filled that page in the book. Still the page lies blank though the pages around it are filled with scribbles and blots of ink.

I didn’t go.

That seemed right at the time, but I didn’t go and never did, though that was never the plan.  I didn’t go and so the page stayed blank and the hole unfilled. I didn’t go and you were right at the time but I never went and now it all seems wrong. People unmet and times unlived because I never went because I didn’t go and it seemed so right at the time.

I didn’t go.

I am left to wonder what would I say now if I had gone then and the hole had been filled and the page written. I didn’t go though I know now that I should have and now it is much too late to be young again and exploring for the first time. I didn’t go and I know you were right but I sit some nights and I feel the regrets of the page I never wrote, of the light that never shined. I didn’t go, I wanted to so and yet I knew I knew it then but I miss it now and so many years have passed.

I didn’t go.

I can’t join the conversation and I can’t share the memories because I didn’t go and I never went and now the time is past for me. I didn’t go. I should have gone and I should have fought and I should have risked so I could write that page, and have that chat, and fill that hole and see the light that might have shined if only I had gone.

But I didn’t go.